There is a song by Jang Keun Suk by that title, and it is playing in my head this Valentine’s Day. He croons it, and I like his voice, which, for me, captures the essence of a sweet message.
This will be a long post, as I’ve felt wordy all week, yet I had no time to write. My days were filled with intense activity, or sickness, as I was experiencing a pretty bad cold.
God arranged my days so I could both work and recover, the fever was over last Sunday, but the normal protocol of a virus ensued. I was so thankful.
I had really delightful days at school, filled with energy and sweet interactions. Students were fairly well behaved, only a few incidences.
I’ve always said subbing can be the hell of jobs, or the heaven. Good days are amazing. Bad days are memorable and completely horrible. It’s the bi-polar disorder of the job-world: there is no in-between.
Anyway, this week was really mostly amazing.
Ed was in Arizona getting therapied and medicated by my chief therapist whom I call my medicine. I missed him.
My high school friend fixed The 2014 Fusion body. It runs great again. I am thrilled and thankful. Let’s get another 70 thousand miles out of it !!!!!!!!!
Cheri and I will not trust the parking brake when the car is in neutral ever again. It will be parked in first gear. Period. A completely level surface will be necessary for an engine warm-up.
It’s been six Valentine’s Days since my Valentine passed away.
It was Valentine’s Day, 1989, while he was living in Georgia at Ranger’s School (then) that I received a dozen stunning deep red roses with baby’s breath. Delivered. To Corgi Hollows North. The first time I’d ever had a romantic bouquet of flowers delivered to me.
It was so romantic.
Less than a month later, after countless phone calls and long hand-written letters, we decided to walk the path toward marriage. He proposed in May, and we were married that November.
As I was shopping at Costco last night, surveying the beautiful bouquets of Valentine flowers, the rose bunches held by the shoppers, I wanted to cry. The memories of all those Valentine’s Day bouquets (they continued every single year, and he religiously gifted me flowers throughout the year!) came back.
I felt sorry for myself.
I miss my Valentine.
Perhaps this holiday is the hardest one for us widows to get through. I try to play it up, making new memories that just commemorate the pinks and reds and chocolate. I DID buy myself a bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath last week (while it was cheap) at Trader Joe’s. Their flowers are simply the best for splurging on.
I keep a bouquet of pink carnations on the kitchen counter perpetually, from Trader Joe’s. Here, in our neck of the woods, they are $4.99 a bunch. Coffee from Caribou or carnations? I always pick the flowers. Carnations really are my favorite, and they last SO long. Cheery little creations. Ed also keeps me supplied with a bouquet from time to time. He remembers how faithful his dad was to me.
The high school kids were getting treats from their admirers yesterday, too. It was fun to see the shy smiles.
There is something so fun and old fashioned about Valentine’s Day. It is sweet.
I know that Brian would write me a Valentine today, too. I can imagine it. Whenever we went through a difficult time (and believe me, we did go through multiple hard things as a couple) our marriage seemed stronger. Some of the problems were unsolved, but there was always commitment, faithfulness, and a desire to make it right.
When that desire is gone the hope is gone. Only God can restore a relationship that has taken that kind of hit.
Actually God is the only One who can restore any broken spirit, marriage problem, or difficulty. To put an expectation on your spouse is unkind and fruitless.
Only God.
We are entirely reliant on God to fix us. To think otherwise is prideful and a waste of time. Our marriages are commitments that only God can keep tied.
I saw a little blurb about couples who pray together and how their marriages are divorce-proof. Brian and I prayed together, but not as consistently as we should have. Still, our faith was a bond that kept us together until DEATH.
When you say “until death do I part” you are committing yourself. I have thought about that phrase in our vows we spoke many, many times. I thankfully kept that vow, with God’s help, for 30 years.
And I miss the one who also vowed to me. Each year I find more and more healing, more permission to laugh and enjoy life.
Part of me is missing, and Valentine’s Day just emphasizes that.
I don’t ever expect to meet anyone who can take that role again. Men (single) like him do not exist, at least in my circles. Manly, gifted, intelligent, faithful, strong, and committed.
I was blessed.
Now I rely entirely on God for my needs. Brian was such an amazing provider. He had the gift of being a servant, as many people could attest. He always helped people with this massive talent and ability. He fixed cars and plumbing for others regularly. He rarely sat still. I have a picture of him on the couch with Corwyn on him. I took the picture because it was so unusual to see him lounging. Corwyn took advantage of the moment.
So this Valentine’s Day I choose to be a bit sad. Perhaps it isn’t long until I see him again. The Rapture must be just on the horizon, right?
We watchmen are amazed at the lateness of the hour.
The world (particularly here in Minnesota) is truly nuts.
I have a philosophical friend who recently wrote a book about talking to leftist Christians. I have been thinking about her arguments.
Gnosticism seems to be the root of this pro-illegal immigrant craze. I believe the “church” has put itself in a position above God, claiming to speak for God, be God, in this whole matter. Leftist liberalism aligns itself with this Gnostic belief that WE ARE GOD. We are ONE WITH GOD, we are one, Oneism, Gnosis is US, God is in every thing—the illegal, the sinner, the chair or table we sit at.
Anything but the One True God, Elohim, Yah, the Creator.
The One who gave us Scripture and law, and order.
History is complex to understand, especially with dueling philosophies that have flexed their power over different eras. Socialism really has come out on top in the past centuries, and we are seeing its ugly hand print on today’s headlines.
I chose to back off from the news when Socialists gained power in the white house. My spirit was more important than watching the demise of the country. I couldn’t pallet the garbage —pride, sin, degeneration, dystopia—-all force fed to us from Washington D.C.
As I see Donald Trump doing the very things that I approve of (Taking Epstein down, bringing political criminals to justice, righting the illegal alien problem here in my state, finding trafficked children and freeing them) I rejoice in his actions. I approve. I love that he has played down the United Nations, the World Economic Forum, the Federal Reserve (a private organization that rules our economy), and the World Health Organization. I love that he has fingered NGO’s that have wrought havoc with trillions of dollars, aiding and abetting terrorist organizations. I love that he supports Israel and immigration. Legal immigration. I love that He talks about God, even though he truthfully admits his own spiritual deficit. It’s really amazing.
I don’t have to approve of the man himself, but I do pray for him by name, as I do the Socialist Dictators of the world, oops, I mean Socialist Presidents of the USA. I pray for them, as I am commanded to do. Clinton, Obama, Biden. I pray for their salvation.
I pray for President Donald Trump to continue to be PRO LIFE, pro America, pro order. I am thankful for what he has done. Roe vs. Wade was overturned. His judge appointees.
This IS the watershed issue, my friends. Always and forever. Sacrifice to Baal/Molech is alive and well, horrifyingly, in the world today.
It is what he is DOING, not who he is, that gets my support.
I got a letter from a friend in Europe who thinks Trump is literally the devil. The hatred for Donald Trump over there and here (among former friends —-and relatives) is practically delusional. I am choosing to not respond, as all the books and articles, arguments and reasoning I’ve tried to counter with simply had no effect.
I will not waste my time anymore. I just sit back and watch the big picture. Only God can open eyes to the reality that undergirds our lives. God is in control. Spiritual truth can only be revealed by an act of His Spirit and a humble heart willing to see God’s ways.
God’s ways are not our ways.
And God can heal and change anyone. I need not get worked up!
I fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author of my faith. I need please no one here on earth. I live for Christ alone.
I am not God. I choose to believe the God of the Bible, as He reveals Himself to me in Scripture.
There I stand, and I pray that you come alongside!
What’s this week’s command of Christ??
Honor God’s Law
17 “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill. 18 For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one [a]jot or one [b]tittle will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled.
Matthew 5:17-18
Obey Jesus. This is His word.
Study His commands to show your love for Him. He who loves Him keeps His commands.
Until He appears, gloriously!—–
MARANATHA!
