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It’s a beautiful day here in Minnesota, but (it seems) per usual, I am battling sadness in the sunshine, recovering after a bout of bad storms.

I am struggling with the balance of regret, grief, loss, sorrow and trust.

Legitimate sorrow and even despair is countered by trust.

Our glorious hope counter-balances ALL despair.

Yet each day brings its trials and troubles, the persecutions and losses. How does one walk the fence between these realities?

I had water in my basement yesterday after the tornadoes went through.

Three separate contracts with the water-proofing people and I had water in my basement.

Yet there was a bad storm. Almost four inches of rain fell here.

Do you see my dilemma? Catastrophic events trump even the best guarantees.

Yet I will call them for an opinion.

I will call the AC/furnace people to get that 30 year old system replaced.

I will call the garage door people to replace the broken door openers.

Hey, I called the septic system guy! I am sure he will get back to me…

I just get a bit down as I face these house things on my own. Is anyone out there understanding this?

I have a huge problem brewing in my pasture. Logs from the trees that needed to be cut lie all over, preventing any mowing from happening.

No mowing means small trees taking root. It’s a constant battle against nature taking over.

These problems are sometimes insurmountable to me. I can make calls for “professional help” but it never ends.

Limited resources, limited time, limited strength.

I am working as much as I can this summer. I am picking up shifts at the hotel as others take vacations.

Yes, I am complaining today. I find decisions like I am facing very hard to make on my own. I have been taken advantage of.

The Lord knows, and EVERYONE is accountable to HIM.

I try to remember that vengeance is the Lord’s. It’s not mine.

So enters my trust. I will trust in God.

I will trust Him to help me. I will trust Him to guide me. I will trust Him to take care of me.

I will walk forward, even in my discouragement.

Do you know why I look for Jesus’ return for us? Life is really hard.

Pray for those who were hit by the tornadoes. My home, thank the Lord, sustained minimal damage. God is always good, even in the storms of life.

MARANATHA

This Sunday I made, according to the app, 700 days of learning Chinese on Duolingo. It is actually a longer time, since I broke my streak back then. It’s fun to watch progress, albeit slow. I have always found language learning extremely difficult, and there is no rhyme or reason for my interest in it.

I guess I just want to connect with people.

Yesterday I went to the lake with a young woman from Turkmenistan. I said to her, “Your name means ‘beautiful,'”

She just lit up! She was literally thrilled, and we made an instant connection.

Knowing someone’s language is almost magical. I have found that even with my extremely poor language skills I can connect with people worldwide.

Yesterday I finished the Old Testament. I have been reading five chapters a day since January 1.

This is also a milestone, since the New Testament is relatively short! Here it is, mid-June, and I am finished with the largest part of the Bible.

I have already decided to study Isaiah more in-depth after I finish the New Testament.

Isaiah is just one of those books where you must spend time.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, although very hot. Today the temperature has dropped again to pleasant Minnesota summer. My air conditioning hasn’t been working for a few years now, so it’s on the list to replace, along with the furnace.

I used the old trick of shutting up the house early in the morning, closing windows and curtains. There is always a marked difference in temperature between inside and outside on very hot days.

I also have fans. Thankful for them.

I’m feeling the “mom-vibes” this morning, wanting to nurture and teach my little ones.

My little ones are now adults, but I still hope they listen to their parent, listen to their grandparents, too.

In my own home repair trials I have been thinking about financial wisdom. Several years ago I gave my Saturday mornings to “Primerica,” learning an industry that I never really had any interest in.

(I also earned most of my Master’s degree in a subject I had no interest in: Public Administration!)

I’m not good at languages, either,……

There is a theme here. I tend to try to learn about stuff I don’t know anything about!

I do know something about living frugally. I’ve unlocked the secrets.

I will share the secrets to financial freedom with you.

(Not necessarily in order of importance unless indicated!)

Don’t smoke.

Don’t consume or purchase alcohol.

Don’t use illegal drugs.

(duh)

Chip away at your debt before you indulge in anything. (It will be surprisingly quick to cancel your debt)

Pay your tithes and offerings religiously.

Car payments? Double them. Put one in the bank for the next car. Don’t buy your next car on a plan. Purchase it outright.

Mortgages. Refinance as necessary to lock in low interest. Pay off your home ASAP.

Stacking. Once a debt is paid off, stack that next payment onto one of your other debts. Don’t allow yourself to splurge. Your debt will quickly disappear.

Have an emergency fund. You never know when something vital to your lifestyle breaks down and needs emergency repair.

Life insurance: cover your debts and your funeral expenses. What are you worth to the ones who need you? It’s worth it.

Health insurance. It’s worth it. Especially if you get cancer.

Car/Home insurance. Just get it. It’s required.

Always pay off your credit cards. Every month.

Coffee. It’s a $4,000/year habit that you didn’t realize. Buy it at the gas station. Make it at home. Splurge once a week, or even once a month. I buy my Caribou about 6 times a year. Only.

Have an entertainment fund. Put it in an envelope. This envelope system is magical. It can work for your whole life, encouraging budgeting and discipline. I find it most helpful in paying for fun things. When the money is gone the fun ends. The expensive fun ends. You will become more creative, too.

Living expenses: shop thrift stores, budget grocery, limit your eating out or pre-processed foods. Learn to bake with real (cheap) flour or rice. Join a fruit and vegetable co-op. Buy your meat (grass fed!) bulk. Investing in a freezer and bulk meat saves in the long run and prevents splurge purchases of expensive protein at the grocery store.

I admit I have so much grass fed beef liver in my freezer that I could get through the seven year tribulation. I strongly dislike liver. (I’ve tried everything.)

Dairy products seem to be the one area I must fork over for, at their cost mercy. I don’t have a cow. Eggs are sort of that way for me too. I do not want to keep chickens, even if I live on an acreage. I know several folk that do keep them, including my daughter, so if they are fresh I can find wonderful eggs.

There are some things you just must include in your budget.

Canned food is generally cheaper than fresh and it is useful as its shelf life is flexible. A belly that needs to be filled doesn’t necessarily need gourmet or organic. It depends.

Buy cheap. Buy clearance. Buy sales. Summer sidewalk sales were my lifesaver as a mom of 3 very young children and a husband in college, only working part-time. We qualified for welfare in Iowa those days.

I fed and clothed my family, thanks to my husband, his family, and, of course, the Lord. We managed!

We did not need to accept welfare. God took care of our needs.

Don’t work on Sundays if at all possible. (I know that our emergency services must, first responders, soldiers, medical staff, etc.) Avoid being scheduled on the Lord’s Day.

I’m becoming more, and really always have been, convinced that God is serious about the 4th commandment. Do your part in helping others to keep the Sabbath holy too. Don’t shop on the day of rest. Eat at home. Blue laws were good for the country. God honored them, I believe.

Fix the car you have until it truly “dies.” Drive it to the car graveyard if possible. Don’t be tempted to drive the latest Greatest. Cars are notoriously money-drains. If you can keep yours until it can’t run anymore you have actually gotten your money’s worth.

Lately it is cheaper to repair a vehicle than purchase a new one.

Appliances are lasting only around five years now. If you have one of those 1970’s models that is still functioning don’t be quick to “upgrade.” Fix it one more time.

I had to spend thousands of dollars getting my basement water-proofed. It involved major repair work to the plumbing and foundation of my home. I think it was worth it because my basement is DRY! Thank the LORD! The process involved a new floor drain, new softener system, new drain pipes, tiling, sump pump, and septic hook-up. I also had the front of the house re-landscaped with drainage in mind. Gutters. New roof. Everything I did was in hopes of getting a dry house.

Now I still need to tear out the moldy wood floor. I haven’t found someone to help with that yet. I still have a few little plumbing jobs that need fixing. I see the light at the end of the home repair tunnel, though. I’m grateful.

Now my septic system is in need of repair, so I will look forward to that problem being solved before long.

In the meantime life happens. Downsizing continues. Things come together and I strive to get my house in order.

Saving money and living frugally is sort of an experimental equation. Establishing the rules of discipline and clean living will only benefit! Bad habits cost. Big time.

“FOLLOW ME FOR MORE TIPS!”

Ha ha. ha ha.!

Actually, I do know something about this. I’m not just spouting nonsense. I’ve lived my own advice. I’m telling the truth.

God has taken care of this little widow. I continue to trust Him.

I anticipate all these problems to be GONE when Jesus comes to get us in the Rapture. The Bridal Feast awaits!

MARANATHA!

So, tomorrow it will be five years since Brian went to be with Jesus. Last Friday it was 11 years since Ed was diagnosed with Leukemia. (ALL)

These June days can be tough for me.

It’s been rather rainy and cold here, gloomy weather.

Topaz the cat spends days and nights outside. This is his season to be wild. The bit of sunshine gets soaked up in his thick black fur. As I am writing he is lying in the driveway and watching Grandma get the mail.

It’s a sweet scene.

Cheri has sent back photos of an idyllic experience she seems to be having in Alaska. The island that she is on is home to more brown bears than anywhere else in the world. I think about that. In the photos the bears seem content. This calms my heart.

I still really look forward to her return.

Life at Corgi Hollows is never dull, even as an “empty-nester.”

I have daily interaction with my mom, the pets, friends, and family. God is so good to me. I am not alone.

My beautiful niece (once an Iowa State Fair Queen!) was married last weekend in a meaningful and beautiful ceremony right here in Minnesota. Guests from all over the world showed up, including my own children and grandchildren, sans Cheri.

I am so blessed.

I got another much anticipated wedding invitation on Sunday morning: my Chinese son is getting married in Japan next year!

Off we go to Japan again! I’m actually really glad that this won’t be my first time there. I know how to do “budget Japan!” and I intend to do this wonderful event as inexpensively as I did the last journey to Japan. The festivities will be amazing. I am so excited! I’m so excited to see his Chinese family again, too. The last time was on Zoom, but before that it was his graduation from college many years ago.

Will my Mandarin be understandable?

That is the question!

My language journey has been slow but steady!

Chinese is hard!

I’ve named the three fish in my garden Xiao Xia, Xiao Zhan, and Xiao Xu. One is orange, one is orange and white, and one is gray. Today is the first morning that they came out for food right away. They have been trying to hide for a week.

I got a water lily for them, the LAST ONE at Menard’s! but it is slowly sprouting. Once it reaches the surface of the big pot/planter I got at Aldi I will really have trouble finding the fish.

Five baby raccoons made a racket a week ago. They were nested up in a hollow of the oak tree right behind the house. My bedroom windows faced the hole in the tree. I went out to check on them and they cutely peered out at me. Mom Raccoon was nowhere to be seen.

A few days later one tiny kit heard me talking with a guy giving an estimate on my septic system repairs. The kit came waddling out towards us. Topi the cat perked up, but I deterred any interaction.

I do not need raccoons on the farm.

I actually pray that the coyotes get them. That is mean, but ultimately better for all.

They are SO CUTE!! I can see why people adopt them. One of my neighbor ladies had a baby raccoon many years ago. It made a total mess, opening up jars in her kitchen…

I have cats that get into stuff, but they can’t open jars. If cats had thumbs….

The orioles have stayed. The grape jelly I put out disappears every day. That is the only bird feeding I do this year.

When my house gets back in order I hope to resume some of my former activity.

One step at a time….

One day at a time.

I am thankful for God’s provision! He is SO GOOD.

Pray for the peace of Jerusalem.

Pray for those suffering.

Pray for those grieving.

Pray for Christ’s return to be SOON!

MARANATHA!

What a terrible weekend in Minnesota.

Evil took its turn and entered a man who listened to the voices of hate. Along with fellow Americans I grieve the loss of a state politician and her husband, and her sweet Golden Retriever.

As a state of Midwestern values, known for “nice” and good will, we are all in shock and mourning.

The layers of this crime are yet to be uncovered, but the little that I hear grieves me profoundly.

Hate equals murder.

As believers in a LOVING GOD we are never to hate. God can handle hatred, He’s God. He hates evil. All evil. He’s holy. We humans are on a different level. Few of us can handle hate.

So much evil and wickedness in this world! It should never have a place in our hearts and lives.

May justice roll down like a river. Evil will ultimately be punished, as I read in my Bible this morning, in the minor prophets. God will not let it go. I hope that the assassin will be punished justly even now.

Where is hate in your heart?

Do you hate Donald Trump?

Do you hate Democrats? Joe Biden? Terrorists? Israel?

Do you hate me?

We are called and commanded to LOVE OUR ENEMIES. This is the teaching of Christ. Those who hate us are to be loved by us.

My heart is so heavy.

Even as I write this I am drawn away from the daily diet of news, back to my safe refuge of my faith in God.

Jesus gives me all I need.

As someone who has written over and over about the political/philosophical/ historical climate we are marching towards I have had so many thoughts regarding this recent crime in Minnesota: Satanism, witchcraft, curses, false Christs, anti-Christs, MKultra, conspiracy theories, factions, fringe groups, anti-government cults, puppet masters, Illuminati, Secret Societies.

All of these powers come to mind in trying to interpret the senseless. There is so much material out there that one can find, shocking and disturbing. Rabbit trails are easy to go down.

Which evil power instigated the murder that happened?

I, for one, hope it is unmasked.

Satan is our enemy, a formidable one. He is always out to take us down.

Those who have a weak faith in the truth of Scripture are easily attacked. Satan knows the drill. Distortions of what is truth—slight distortions—are his modus operandi.

Too many people get sucked into these lies!

We are a Biblically Illiterate Society. Not knowing God’s moral standards is a death sentence.

We all want our loved ones to be saved from eternal punishment. Living the life that reflects Christ (1 John 3) is the challenge to all of us. We need to be encouragers!

Salvation and sanctification are not equal. WE are saved by being born again, spiritually, but we are in the process of being sanctified. It is during the process that Satan can really do a number on us. Temptation and confusion are both tactics he uses, along with his number one weapon: Deceit.

Spiritual warfare is the lot of the believer. No one is exempt. Watch your children as they deal with spiritual battles! It’s the most disheartening thing!

A friend posted a little clip about rejection, isolation, and (fruitless) repetition. The gist of the talk was that these negatives are gifts from God to prepare you for something big, your true calling.

I watch as my children walk these trials and challenges. I want to pull them out.

Of course I cannot. They walk their own path, and God interacts with them PERSONALLY.

They can choose to shut Him out to their detriment. They will bear the suffering that comes with rejection of God’s way.

In this world we will have trouble. Jesus promised that. Life is hard. Anyone that hasn’t suffered hardship yet should question their faith.

Satan doesn’t generally disturb a life that is uncommitted to faith. Why should he?

Patience, perseverance, faith, hope, —these are fruits of trouble. They can be cultivated by trust in the One who made you. Painful cultivation, no doubt, but still fruitful.

God is still good.

Let’s see God’s justice roll down.

May Jesus come soon!

MARANATHA!

When Brian died I dropped out of life as known by me.

With that retreat I lost multiple friends and contacts. I pared down my life to a few people in my family and a couple of very close friends who are like sisters to me.

I pressed the reset button.

One benefit of this “earthquake” event in my stable Midwestern life was the purging of negativity.

I tend towards being “conservative,” and I find a lot of negativity in opposing views. Out with the negativity! I had no reason to keep it near me.

I stopped watching the news.

I stopped reading the news.

I stopped “being friends” with people I didn’t relate to.

I had an excuse, and it was valid.

So, my experiment has been working for five years, now. I may have grief, loss, pain, and issues to resolve daily—but the riff raff of negativity from a faction of people that truly don’t matter to me is pleasantly gone.

I have been drawn to prophecy and politics for most of my life. Because I inform myself of trends and events that fit into the prophetic narrative I have always felt the burden to be a “watchman” and warn people.

After all, Ezekiel warns the watchmen! Blood is on our heads if we fail to warn.

So I warn, but I no longer fret about the “other side.”

It wasn’t long ago when I figured out that prayer was the most powerful thing I can do in the way of being a testimony and an evangelist. I am required to be a witness, to “preach” the Gospel, to warn, to admonish and to discern….

But prayer is the most powerful thing I can use to do the will of the Lord. I pray people into the kingdom.

This has released me from the burden of being negative in anyone’s life. I can love. The message is not from me, but the rejection comes because of the conviction of the message—not because I hold to it. Rejection may become the norm, because that is the natural man’s response.

I simply move on. I can care, and I do, deeply, but I can focus my energy on prayer. I need not become discouraged because I trust that God will answer my prayer.

The bitterness and negativity that is directed toward me can wash off like water on a duck’s back.

Paring down your life makes it so much easier to simply be kind—to anyone.

Remove the excess conflict. Remove the bitterness.

I have watched Ray Comfort for years. I really like the way he lovingly shows total strangers the truth of the Gospel and gently leads them toward Christ. I wish I could be Ray Comfort! His example is an inspiration to me, and I have been convicted about the tone I project. Is it loving? Is it kind? Am I revealing light to a dark world?

The negativity is gone, the prayer remains. Love grows, and trust in the Creator God expands. He answers prayer.

“The greatest of these is love” —-of the cardinal virtues.

Jesus is coming soon. He desires that we repent. Putting our faith in Christ is the only way to be forgiven and to anticipate an eternity in heaven with the Lord. This is the message that we are required to share.

Of course we can inform anyone about the fascinating life that begins and remains in Christ. We can watch the sometimes unbelievable events that unfold in perfect alignment with Scripture’s prophecies.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear!

There is nothing so encouraging as hashing out unfolding events with like-minded believers in light of Prophecy. It’s a happy thing. We are so encouraged because we will soon see Jesus, and we hope in God’s answers to our prayer.

Win/win. Hope. Sweetness and light, kindness and love, being positive and alert, watching and waiting….

MARANATHA!

I’m subbing at the high school today. Rarely do I get to sub on the last day of class, but today was an exception, and this year I really needed to sub almost every day.

Kids are taking a final, so I brought my chromebook to blog a bit while I monitor their test.

Modern tech has made cheating pretty hard, but it could happen, theoretically. Mostly I need to keep behaviors in order, but the kids are pretty good here today.

Home repair has been draining in multiple ways, so subbing has been one needed avenue for costs.

The basement is dry. The waterproofers did their task well. I am still longing for it to be finished, as all of the drywall and some flooring need to be replaced. I haven’t shopped for tile yet, and I’m hoping I can find something similar to what I have down there.

I have yet to tear out the moldy walnut floor that covers half of the basement.

Books are still piled high in my bedroom—waiting for all that work to be finished in the basement and finding their home on the “stacks” down there.

I have had a summer cold —already—and the news is that air quality literally stinks here in Minnesota due to Canada forest fires. It makes for some misery.

Cheri is loving life in Alaska. It sort of sounds like paradise from her texts and photos: cozy, rugged beauty, fantastic food. She does have her ticket back to Minnesota, and I sure hope she uses it!

I’ve survived over a week as an empty nester.

Being alone, all alone, is something I never really let myself think about. Too sad.

Somewhere in my subconscious I knew this day would arrive—-but I thought I’d be a lot older than I am.

I need to accept reality. Life is lonely, but, as I’ve written about before, it’s also rather selfish. Relationships are for honing and sharpening, iron on iron. It’s easy to stop the improvement process when you are only improving yourself for yourself.

It takes discipline to strive for good.

I have attempted to invite more people over for fellowship lately.

“Tea is always served at Corgi Hollows!”

This quote is on display in my kitchen. I love serving coffee too, of course.

Last night I made cinnamon rolls for the first time in about a year. I just got the yen for them, and decided to bake a batch. I ate one. There are 8 left, and I may freeze them.

I never had to do that before.

Plans: walking, swimming, and fasting. Strength training. This could help my self discipline this summer. I had an idea of swimming in the lake again. That is exhilarating —much more so than the pool at the Y. A few summers back I swam at the lake all summer long.

I keep thinking of the muskies beneath me when I’m at the lake. You know they are the freshwater sharks. Generally they are not interested in humans who swim, but there are stories. The stories live on in the minds of freshwater lake swimmers.

The amount of water all around you when you swim in a natural setting can be almost overwhelming, too. It is quite awe inspiring. Big sky above, vast depths beneath. Your tiny human body seems so fragile and vulnerable.

Still, it is a wonderful thing, and I am looking forward to summer beach time.

The dogs need some serious exercise. Woodtick/deertick season is upon us, and I tend to avoid the grasses and hays these weeks. Thankfully I’ve not had to deal with too many yet this year.

A couple of days ago there was a total racket outside. I thought Topi, our resident male at Corgi Hollows, had taken down some wildlife.

No. I followed the sound and discovered a nest of baby raccoons! They peered out of the tree hollow, looking down on me, chattering and asking for something. Momma raccoon was not present, I assume. I don’t think she was down deep in the tree.

They are the CUTEST, but I know I don’t want them. Rascals. I hope they decide to move on. I snapped a few photos for the memory, though. I have heard coons in the past, but never saw the babies like this before. They really have a nice nesting spot.

The coyotes may get them before long. Sad face. Nature. Circle of Life.

Summer at Corgi Hollows is mostly idyllic. God has blessed me with Minnesota warmth, green, and color. I can’t help it but think that a Minnesota summer is what the original creation resembled. (Let’s not talk about mosquitoes.)

I am truly blessed to enjoy such natural beauty. The long winters are so worth it.

Wildlife has been abundant since the temps warmed. There are always new sounds and sights outside. The dogs frequently let me know that something new is around, too. They miss little.

I can’t complain.

School’s out—in a few hours—and I am primed for another new beginning.

Is Jesus coming soon?

MARANATHA!

The school year is wrapping up, and the sweet summer is stretching out before me. I am so busy these days with being a substitute teacher that I can barely get my thoughts straight. I need to do so many things at home, chores, jobs, MOWING, and 1,000 other things—but all must wait until I have a bit of time.

Today I have my monthly physical therapy appointment, for my back. I leave in 20 minutes. I have been going to see this therapist for 20 years now, and she is amazing. She keeps me moving, helps me manage my chronic pain from my two spine injuries. I am so thankful for her!

I just have this pressing thought on my mind, and have 20 minutes, and wanted to write it down here: WORLDVIEW MATTERS!

As we see the events of the world scene unfold and we pick sides on political issues I am discouraged. Then I remember that my worldview dictates my own ideas and stances, and, of course this is a universal truth.

We are unmoved.

It is only by spiritual power that a heart can influence a mind in a way that pleases the Creator.

I pray for spiritual eyes to be opened, mine especially.

God has moved my hard heart many, many times.

I am not who I was.

Yet my heart still belongs to Christ, and I exist to worship and serve Him alone. I am always fascinated by prayer—-what it is, even. I pray. I pray in my stilted human ability, and I trust God in my worm-like understanding.

The Apostle Paul felt like that, too, I think.

We can only follow the teachings of Scripture, the patterns it prescribes for us, the truth that it imparts, especially to our heart.

Then eyes are opened, understanding follows, and we are gifted a worldview.

Love one another.

I am trying my best to practice that command. I am trying to live my worldview and be loving.

My prayers are my expression of love.

You are in my prayers.

MARANATHA!

What a privilege to be able to attend my 40th college class reunion this past weekend, in Wheaton, by Chicago!

I had the best friends at Wheaton; my roommate, the girls across the hall from us, and a few others that I connected with that year I was there.

Even though I was there only one year those friendships are solid. We picked up right where we left off!

Brian graduated from Wheaton, and he was remembered by several. For me, to chat with some of those who remembered him, it was sort of a tying of loose ends, perhaps another grief journey, a resolving, a good-bye.

Ed went with me, and I was so happy to have him hear fun stories, remembrances of his dad, and be my escort. I am so blessed!

Today I am subbing art at both the elementary school and the high school this afternoon, and I’m able to write during free moments. I wanted to jot down my impressions and gratitude for such a reunion weekend as was.

I don’t usually blog at school. I need the peace of Corgi Hollows, but today I just had to record my thoughts before they got stale.

It was a gorgeous drive across Wisconsin down to Wheaton—budding leaves and blossoms, blue sky, perfect conditions! It was in the 80’s and 90’s for the this Mother’s Day weekend.

(I was wished a happy mother’s day by all of my children and their spouses, which I believe is just a precious gift from God! How blessed I am!)

The singing at the reunion was a highlight, “May the Mind of Christ My Savior” was sung several times, and I always love that hymn, especially sung by excellent voices, multiples of voices, and voices that know it well. Wow.

The students’ concert presentation on Friday evening was wonderful: Girls chorus, Men’s Glee, Concert Choir, Organ, Orchestra, and Band. Delightful! My roommate’s son had a saxophone solo part that was positively gorgeous!

The fellowship and conversation with these old friends was just amazing! I just love these women! We are spread out across the country, but we share parenting experience—joys and woes, career/life experience, and spiritual connection, which is really what binds us.

We all promised to stay in closer touch from now on, since our families are on the cusp of change, with parents aging or already gone, kids in college or married, and our jobs wrapping up and retirement looming. I look forward to our future fellowship, if not here on earth, certainly in eternity.

We are bonded.

It was sweet to hear chat about Brian, too. I was able to talk with a couple of his former roommates.

My main thought, recurring, was, of course—“Brian would love to hear this!”

That is poignant.

Tears were close to the surface.

Ed and I visited the JRR Tolkien desk, the Wardrobe of Narnia lore, and C.S. Lewis’ items at the Wade center. I recommend a visit there if you can, if you are a fan of Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit, or any of Lewis’ works. It is well done.

We also saw an exhibit about Elisabeth Elliot at the Billy Graham Center. Excellent.

Walking around campus, visiting Perry Mastodon in the new science building, touring the new music center, and all the new student center facilities was fun. Being able to see Edman Chapel and hear the pipe organ on which I learned to play so many years ago was a privilege.

I am glad I went to my reunion. When you are in your sixties you should try to go. I think my mother-in-law once said something to me about reunions in your sixties and how fun they were. She was right. They are. All of our joys and sorrows have mellowed us, humbled us, bonded us, and helped us to see the value in each. Maturity, perhaps, but also experience can make us easier on each other.

I’m grateful.

MARANATHA!

I am praying for several people to make a decision to follow Christ. I have prayed for decades for some of these dear people. I am also praying for movers and shakers, influencers and “stars.”

My heart is moved to pray today that the Holy Ghost will open spiritual eyes today…soon…because time is short, and these people could have such wonderful impact on so many millions of lost souls.

Pray with me today that they accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord!

God knows this list. I talk to Him about it everyday. Just pray to Him to answer Corgi’s prayer!

YOU NEED JESUS, DEAR ONE!

I’m reading in Isaiah right now. It’s 66 chapters, so reading 5/day still lets me spend significant time this month in this incredible book.

Today the Lord has been saying the word “heart” to me—in my reading, in my prayers, in my calendar and lists—all the things that I keep myself together with.

My friend’s dad passed away on Monday. I wanted to be at the funeral, and had even planned a trip this week to say good-bye to him while he was in hospice. My heart grieves for my friend, who was such a support to me when I lost Brian, my brother, my dad, and my world fell apart.

My heart aches.

My heart aches for the grief in this world, which mine is a part of. A small part, but so, so heavy for me.

Sometimes grief can be so intense that my heart throbs and I feel panic.

When the sun is shining and the flowers are glowing in springtime glory my heart can almost burst. Grief can be even more intense.

Today I must battle the intensity.

I think that the “stages of grief” so helpful to know and acknowledge through a process of loss are really true. I have experienced ALL OF THEM in the five years since my trauma.

The one that helps me cope the most might be anger.

I never thought of myself as an angry person. Since my trauma I experience that emotion in a way entirely new to me.

I confess that I believe anger is one of the seven deadly sins, and righteous anger is hard to define. I heard once that only God can handle anger, therefore we must all quickly dissipate this emotion when felt, in a Godly way.

I went to a seminar on anger resolution and one of the tricks is to BLESS the source of anger.

Can I bless my grief?

When Brian died I confess that I was mad at him for dying. Crazy, right? It wasn’t his fault. His precious heart just failed.

Still, I was mad that he just left me.

This thought has come back many times in these past five years. I have a moment of anger and I think about what I need to do—-

My heart trembles.

I turn to God.

He knows my heart.

Life is really brief in light of eternity. We all live forever in heaven or hell. Can I hold out during this life?

This is a deep heart matter.

It is in these moments of intensity that God shows up for me most often. Today He reminded me that He cares for my heart.

He cares for you. He is coming soon. He is coming soon.

MARANATHA