I have a new job and I’m thrilled about it. It’s truly my dream job, as a director of operations for a 501c3 international NGO. The organization is in hibernation right now due to Covid and political restrictions, but it’s ready to roar with a little push. I’m learning.
This dark month of our Minnesota year has been unusually difficult for me. The projects that are ongoing in the house have me unsettled. We’ve reached a forced hiatus due to some complications. Everything is torn up and at 6’s and 7’s. It does nothing for my spirit. I did pull down the Christmas decorations and attempted to dress up the place some.
Not a single leaf was able to raked this past fall. Snow fell on a thick carpet of oak leaves. The temperatures have dropped low, and the fireplace fans are broken. We’ve resorted to switching on the gas fireplace more than we should.
I’ve had a back ache for several weeks (not enough swim time) and I can’t help wonder if it is related to the scourge of our day, the dreaded variant virus.
These days I prefer to hibernate. My depression is real.
As the youngest child/social butterfly who has thousands of “friends” I’ve been sucked into a new atmosphere of quiet and limits. It’s not negative, but it has its hardships. I feel alone these days.
I know help is a phone call away, and many would run to me at my first cry for help.
It is interesting to see who has been revealed as my persistent and truly precious people . My loss has revealed my truest friends. There are those that I cling to and they reciprocate. I’m thankful, and blessed.
God is my husband. He is a wonderful husband. This isn’t weird, it is Biblical. He reminds me at just the right times to get certain things done, He takes care of everything, and protects me/us.
The loneliness of widowhood is real and heartbreaking, but God understands this. My faith has only been strengthened as I see His gentle forgiveness and mercy, His provision and kindness.
If something looks to be a problem I’m always prepared to see it turn into the blessing He intended. I’ve seen this too many times to become discouraged. Yes, I see problems. They are depressing. I’ve learned to wait and see God’s hand work things out His way.
If my desires are His, then He will fulfill them. That is a promise He made.
Life is hard. Don’t believe anything else. IF you have good things be extremely grateful. If God has given you a relationship you need to cherish it. If you have been given children, grandchildren, praise the Lord. God is so good.
Holidays are hard for those of us with loss. I’m not kidding. This isn’t some cliche. I can still thank God in the midst of my pain.
Thank you, friends, for your cards and gifts, your thoughts of us, your prayers. I’m still overwhelmed, even after a year and a half since Brian left us. I’m still adjusting.
Will I ever adjust?
At the moment I doubt it, but God is always good.
Come, Lord Jesus!
Maranatha!