I coined this word seven years ago when Ed got leukemia. It seemed like such a description of what I was trying to do in our lives, building up inner strength for the fight against cancer. Since then we have gone through various hard things, and each time I think of that word. You won’t find it in the dictionary. I made it up.
These days I know that I am building walls, strengthening my place, finding reserves to manage my days. I’m fortressing again.
It’s hard to be rather raw inside and still find the energy to cope with a parent who is slowing fading from this world. Because I feel the depression and suffering I imagine that those around me are in the same place, dealing with the same losses and issues.
It’s hard.
I wrote about acceptance last time, and that is something that comes slowly. There are still things to process. My life hasn’t changed much outwardly, anyway.
I accept things. I grieve.
I went for a counseling session with my pastor this past week. He was so kind to me. I was encouraged to enter a time of lament.
Would you pray for me as I do that? I believe it is a spiritually vulnerable place, and I need your prayer protection as I begin this phase of my life.
I’m grateful for you, reader.