After Brian passed away in June of 2020 I felt bereft on many levels.
The first months of shock and initial acceptance were simply the act of survival—learning the life skills that he had fully implemented for 30 years, and I’d gratefully let: bills, passwords, household projects, all the nit-picky stuff that engineers occupy themselves with. He was so smart and capable that I lived life on easy street married to him.
Easy Street disappeared when he left.
Because I am musical (very, really) I let music express my emotions. For some strange reason I could not listen to classical music easily after he died. It troubled my spirit in grief.
As a believer I am influenced by worship music, and I was given a children’s lullaby CD of worship songs which helped me.
I started a new direction from everything that pained my sorrowful heart.
With that new direction I began to discover, for me, an entirely new world: East Asia.
Along with all the new (or re-learned) life skills I was dealing with I started learning Chinese, immersing myself in East Asian popular culture, and finding new friends who shared this interest.
Out with the old and in with the new. New beginnings, new interests, new people, new directions.
The pain of loss was medicated and numbed with all of this new stuff.
I came across a kpop group whose music touched me, helped my spirit, and helped to heal me; ASTRO.
As a part of this whole new experience, with something that I had no clue about before, I started to make contact with them and with others who “stan” them. (That is colloquial for being a fan in this kpop world.)
I was learning about Asian popular culture in a big way, just by following this group of six kids. They’re all my children’s ages, six young men.
I knew that at least a couple of these boys were believers, but I put all six on my “Snatch List,” my Jude 23 prayer list that I pray for daily.
I learned about each of their lives, especially “Rocky,” who I felt I understood better than the others. He’s really Park Min Hyuk, a composer/artist. I’ve enjoyed getting to “know” him.
These ASTRO boys provided a sweet sound track to my grief processing, along with a few other East Asian (Chinese speaking) musical artists. Upbeat and sweet, they helped my sadness on days when I just couldn’t….
There are many ways to connect with these kpop people: Vlive, Twitter, Instagram, Weverse, Facebook, among others. It was fun to make contact. I had a moment with Moonbin one night when my phone dinged that he was “live.”
Sleepless nights could be sort of exciting when you chat with someone on the other side of the world.
On Tuesday Moonbin passed away, 25 years old. He may have been just a name in the news to most people, but I felt it hard. His funeral is tomorrow. Millions of people who cope with life without Jesus are really grieving right now. I’m sad!
Since I’ve prayed daily for him to be snatched for the last two years I have hope that he made peace with God. God answers prayer, ya know.
This is the second person on my snatch list that has passed away—also someone whom I know that God knows the whole story about. I can only hope and cope with trusting God for these two precious people.
It is so wonderful when there is no doubt about where a person is for the eternal realm. Those who know Jesus are going to be with Him. It’s nice when those who love them have assurance of someone’s faith. It helps.
I know where Brian is. I know because I believe in the Bible’s promises. I can cope.
I can trust that God answers prayer, too, and I hope to meet Bin in heaven.
In times of grief for those you care for there is an extra need for prayers of comfort. Perhaps this passing of someone seemingly remote and untouchable will open the door to spiritual awakening to Jesus in someone, perhaps in one of my new friends.
That is also my prayer.
I look forward to heaven. I always have.
MARANATHA!