Author: Corgi Hollows

There is a theme in both George MacDonald’s and Tolkien’s works that crops up. It has to do with beautiful youth in age.

Think of all the characters that are “ancient” yet appear youthful.

As we all age, day by day, we see the effects of a fallen world. Death is just the end, but daily our existence reminds us that the good fades away. We are in a spiral towards the end.

God chooses to give us hope, though. He promises eternal health and joy. Anyone that has experienced that indescribable place called Heaven can attest to that eternal bliss.

As I grow older that promise of perfection becomes more dear. I hate seeing the effects of decay and death. It must be endured, but I still hate it.

I’m seeing the decay of winter outside my front door. Spring is nosing in after this bitter, deathly cold we’ve endured. The temps are nudging above freezing.

I’m recovering from a slight cold, headaches, all the ominous symptoms. I took my horse medicine and my tonic water. I’m fine. I’m just a little sad and tired, nursing my red nose.

I guess I’m feeling my old age.

We are still loved, we are still valued. We are still here.

We are waiting for the return of our eternal King, and it cannot be long now.

Endure to the end. Eternity promises to be worth the pain of now.

Life has been flying by here at Corgi Hollows.

My new job takes up most of my mental energy, and I’m still striving for balance with my two paying jobs, my school, and my new position. I’ve been subbing like a crazy woman. It seems I am in high demand. Since I enjoy it I find it hard to say no to some of my favorite teachers.

My Chinese language learning is soaring, with a new language partner in China. We have met in person, many years ago, but we are about to embark on a real partnership—with her learning English and me learning Chinese. My Chinese “son” is her real son, and so we are now his “moms.” 🙂 So cute.

It seems that in a heartbeat everything can change, a chance comment, encounter or thought can change the course of life. I feel this way lately.

I’ve got a lot of reading to do. A lot.

This winter has been super-cold, too. I don’t remember a recent winter where we woke up to below zero so many mornings!

It makes me extremely grateful that God has provided a working furnace, cozy fireplaces, and cars that start up quickly.

What else am I grateful for? A good friend that has been helping me with the persistent problem in my basement: dampness. He will soon have repaired all the damage. I am thrilled. I’m hoping that the entire construction project can be all finished SOON.

I’m grateful for good friends who step in and help us troubleshoot our mechanical issues! Thanks, Dave!!!

So with this new course in life I’ve pared down my social media, too. Some of you may have missed Corgi Hollows on Facebook. I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would.

I’ll write here to keep in touch.

Did you know that you can cry with heartache and still be joyful?

You can.

This morning I have had the urge to weep, yet I have a joyful spirit. I am focusing on the blessings God has given me, yet I am keenly aware of my needs and my loss.

Sounds like a paradox.

It is.

Our church is going through a 40 days of prayer course. I’m finding the sermons helpful and the readings inspiring. I needed to be reminded of some of God’s attributes: His love, His power, His willingness to give (lavishly) to His own.

The part about a parent giving what is good for a child really hit me in a new light. Parents will never encourage anything detrimental for their children.

I would never encourage alcohol, drugs, or any lascivious behavior in any of my children. I wouldn’t encourage greed, pride, envy, anger, lust, gluttony, or sloth. Those seven deadlies are concise and helpful in defining the roots of problems or plain sin.

We are training a very endearing puppy these days. She has a short coat of hair, so she hates the sub-zero temps we’ve been enduring lately. Still, we make her go out regularly. We often forget that she still needs surveillance 24/7 and she makes mistakes. We are always cleaning up after her. She’s an incredibly smart dog, yet she takes advantage of our lax vigilance.

She’s treated to the best of treats and privileges. She’s loved and coddled. She has the best care and love. She still needs compassion and forgiveness, understanding.

Does the Heavenly Father know I need His compassion, forgiveness, understanding?

Of course.

Why is that so hard for me to believe?

At least lately.

I know that the Father wants good gifts for me. He has given me purpose and ability, fellowship and ease. He has given me heat in the dead of winter, sustenance for life, two basic human needs. He has taken charge of my life in ways that I could never have imagined, and I am grateful.

Yet I’m still sad. I miss my husband and I still have a hard time believing he’s gone—even a year and a half after his death. I wonder how long I will feel this way. It seems to be like an electric shock that surprises me when I touch the big old dryer at the hotel where I work on weekends, and I’m full of static from handling the blankets. It shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. Always.

As I choose to focus on a smaller circle I have been blessed with new directions of interest and industry.

The school where I teach has about 1,000 students. They all know me. They give me joy when they enter the room and cry out happily, “It’s Mrs. Corgi.”

I had an unruly class of 8th graders last Friday. These kids have given me grief since I started my job at the district 5 years ago. They have issues with respect.

The day ended with a huge laugh, though, and my faith in these bright and promising students was restored. We shared a moment of levity after a few trying moments. This type of thing gives joy, gives hope, and gives place. I belong there.

I guess I belong here on this earth right now. Despair and heartache can snatch that sense of belonging. I have longed for heaven for so long.

Why are we still here?

Maranatha!?

I am asking big things of God: I want to be raptured. I want to be light in this world and in the Millenium, that thousand-year reign of Christ on earth.

I want to enter at the strait gate. I want to be on the narrow way.

And I want my children to be on it, too. I want those on my “Snatch List” to be on it.

If you know me I want you to be on it.

This gives me joy, to think that the Father will answer my supplications.

I can cry, and I can be joyful.

Today I am sad with joy.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

In Romans 12:9-21 there is a list we can all pray through. To prevent the hindering of prayer we must confess and repent of sin in our lives, and this is a helpful tool to find those areas in our lives that need purification.

I’m learning much about prayer, living life (on a new level) conquering sin, and being watchful.

Being single (again) after 30 years, reluctantly and heartbreakingly, has been a challenge for me spiritually.

I have the tendency toward depression, so having a bleak outlook can be my second nature. I tend to underestimate God’s power.

Confession: I’m sorry for doing that, Lord.

The God who fashioned the Universe—-can He not save those that are on my daily prayer “snatch” list?

He can.

Since it’s been awhile since I’ve written, and I’ve come through blue holidays, I am touching on several themes in this blog post: sin, prayer, confession, and the nature of God.

Isn’t this the heart of most believers?

Doesn’t our walk with Christ boil down to these themes?

I could add “servanthood” to the list, but that follows a correct understanding of the previous list.

We must acknowledge and repent of sin.

We must pray.

We must confess (with our communication skills) our faith.

We must understand the nature of our God, the Creator, the one, true God.

This faith walk is truly difficult. It may require death, huge sacrifice, financial difficulty, hunger, denial of desires, loss. This is the result of living in a fallen world. But the focus is on the eternal state in the life of any believer.

Mark 8:36

What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?

We’re talking eternity here.

When one’s spouse leaves for eternity one can think of eternity more clearly, more often, more realistically. It’s just real. Eternity is more important than now.

So I beg of you to get right before God right now. I beg of you to repent, confess, pray, and deny yourself. I’m on this journey with you. We’re looking for the great snatching, and we’re hoping to finish strong.

Are you on the snatch list? (Jude 23)

Do you have the influence to urge others to deny themselves and seek God?

Jesus Saves! He is the rock upon which we can firmly stand.

Perhaps you do not realize that the devil is the prince and power of the air, has much beauty, and seems extremely desirable. His power is almost irresistible. But it is resistible. The Holy Spirit is greater. Cry out, call out to God for the power to resist the devil.

God’s forgiveness and mercies are new EVERY MORNING! Struggling with the devil and the sinful nature is not the end for those who trust Christ. We have a daily hope in God’s power and forgiveness.

He will not abandon us. We cannot be snatched from His hand.

What hope for a glorious future!

This is more important than anything else in life.

It’s 2022, a new year. Make this year the one to achieve balance, direction, hope, and godly purpose. Resist the devil, the puppet masters, the worldliness and confusion, the apathy and the sin nature to be Christlike, to be eternally minded, to be eternally saved.

It’s your choice.

See the power.

MARANATHA!

I have a new job and I’m thrilled about it. It’s truly my dream job, as a director of operations for a 501c3 international NGO. The organization is in hibernation right now due to Covid and political restrictions, but it’s ready to roar with a little push. I’m learning.

This dark month of our Minnesota year has been unusually difficult for me. The projects that are ongoing in the house have me unsettled. We’ve reached a forced hiatus due to some complications. Everything is torn up and at 6’s and 7’s. It does nothing for my spirit. I did pull down the Christmas decorations and attempted to dress up the place some.

Not a single leaf was able to raked this past fall. Snow fell on a thick carpet of oak leaves. The temperatures have dropped low, and the fireplace fans are broken. We’ve resorted to switching on the gas fireplace more than we should.

I’ve had a back ache for several weeks (not enough swim time) and I can’t help wonder if it is related to the scourge of our day, the dreaded variant virus.

These days I prefer to hibernate. My depression is real.

As the youngest child/social butterfly who has thousands of “friends” I’ve been sucked into a new atmosphere of quiet and limits. It’s not negative, but it has its hardships. I feel alone these days.

I know help is a phone call away, and many would run to me at my first cry for help.

It is interesting to see who has been revealed as my persistent and truly precious people . My loss has revealed my truest friends. There are those that I cling to and they reciprocate. I’m thankful, and blessed.

God is my husband. He is a wonderful husband. This isn’t weird, it is Biblical. He reminds me at just the right times to get certain things done, He takes care of everything, and protects me/us.

The loneliness of widowhood is real and heartbreaking, but God understands this. My faith has only been strengthened as I see His gentle forgiveness and mercy, His provision and kindness.

If something looks to be a problem I’m always prepared to see it turn into the blessing He intended. I’ve seen this too many times to become discouraged. Yes, I see problems. They are depressing. I’ve learned to wait and see God’s hand work things out His way.

If my desires are His, then He will fulfill them. That is a promise He made.

Life is hard. Don’t believe anything else. IF you have good things be extremely grateful. If God has given you a relationship you need to cherish it. If you have been given children, grandchildren, praise the Lord. God is so good.

Holidays are hard for those of us with loss. I’m not kidding. This isn’t some cliche. I can still thank God in the midst of my pain.

Thank you, friends, for your cards and gifts, your thoughts of us, your prayers. I’m still overwhelmed, even after a year and a half since Brian left us. I’m still adjusting.

Will I ever adjust?

At the moment I doubt it, but God is always good.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Maranatha!

Here we are in the throes of finals for the semester. I admit defeat this semester. I’ve had difficulty with concentration again, so I’m asking my University for another break, and they graciously granted help.

This university has been remarkably helpful with my situation. I am doing everything within the rules, within the limits, but, of course, my situation stretches credulity.

As I see people sicken and even pass around me I cannot help but wonder what is going on. Is everyone as vulnerable and at a loss as I’ve been these past three years? These past 7 years?

I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself. We’re all in this hard life together. Covid has brought unprecedented measures to the world. Loss is everywhere. I am not alone.

Certainly I’ve had some earth-shaking events, some I haven’t been candid about here on Corgi Hollows. I begin to question when this will all quiet down.

I picked up a plaque at the thrift store this fall. It says “When does the simple life begin?”

Ha ha.

I hung it on the wall in the living room. I believe the answer is NEVER.

It’s rhetorical.

I’m beginning a new venture. I have a new appointment/job with a non-profit organization.

I am learning Chinese, thanks to my Chinese “son” whom we hosted 15 years ago. The new job will put my Chinese to use.

Blogging will become a happenstance thing from here on out. Check in once in awhile. I’m excited about this new path, and I see the hand of the Almighty in directing me. God is always good.

I never know when I’m filled with a yearning to write, so I may write even more! Sometimes having a safe structure in which to abide can be conducive to creativity. Sometimes the wild and crazy uncertainty twinged with melancholy sparks the creative juices to flow. For me it has been both.

Cherie finishes her degree here soon. She completed the November novel writing challenge, nanowrimo, as well as her coursework. Good for her!

Ed is plugging away at the most difficult classes of his program. Two more weeks.

Pray for us, still, please. We still need it.

God has blessed us with caring friends, those that recharge our batteries and understand our deepest sadness. I am grateful.

My dad continues to recover from his stroke. He’s doing so well. He’ll be 95 here in a flash!

Miss Yukichan is a delight. She is still learning and irritating her siblings. She is just so much fun, though. All the pets are healthy.

We are healthy. Blessings.

God bless you.

MARANATHA!!!

Holy lives please God.

This is a fact.

Holiness is made possible through the shedding of Christ’s blood on the cross. First and foremost it is by grace alone that we are made holy before God.

As someone who has been a believer for 55 years I have struggled with holiness and how it looks in my life.

I am well aware of my pitfalls, my sins, my shortcomings. These things are not holy, yet they are covered by the transaction that took place 2,000 years ago.

But how does holiness manifest for me today, this day, in my moment by moment?

I like a scenario painted in a book I read long ago (the name escapes me right now) where the author writes that you can choose a blue shirt or a red, and this may have minimal effect on your life, your holiness—

I’m not sure why I think of this from time to time, but I believe that each small thought and choice can affect other things.

I swim at the YMCA regularly. Once in a very long while I am the first and only person to enter the pool. The water is like glass, completely still. I put my finger in and that stillness is disrupted, even for the thousands of gallons of water in front of me.

I choose a red shirt.

It’s a ripple.

God, in His infinite knowledge (how can we comprehend this?) has written this chapter already. I can rest in this peaceful awareness of His plan, His ultimatum.

This is still holiness, I believe.

I am struggling with the day-to-day right now. I battle depression and lack of motivation.

I’m functional.

I actually faced four grades of middle school math classes yesterday, the strugglers. I can relate to struggling with math. I related to these kiddos. We had a good day together. No one was beaten up, everyone left the classroom with a peaceful countenance.

This is success on a daily basis.

This may be what holiness looks like, too. Small victories, keeping a clean slate, clearing up the stains as they appear. Trusting the God who made everything to make the way clear, to keep us in perfect peace, even when you are hated and persecuted.

Even when you are seeing a veil of fog and the sun has been dimmed with the blue of depression.

MARANATHA!

It can’t be long now. I woke up from a deep sleep the other day with a strange sensation that something was different. Is this the rapture?

I think the rapture will happen so suddenly we will hardly be aware of it. One existence to another in a twinkling, a fraction of a second.

Are you praying for your “snatch list?”

Pray that they escape from the coming darkness, the beast system, from the Illuminati, from false doctrine, from pervasive evil, from the beautiful side of evil.

My “snatch list” gets longer and longer.

Let’s pray.

I’m not exactly sure what the straw was, the one that broke the camel’s back, but it was something in the past month. Was it his birthday? The anniversary? The difficult assignment for my public finance and budgeting class—the one I just couldn’t understand?

Was it the aching heart?

Was it the resolve to live quietly and contentedly without him?

Was it the beginning of house repairs, the busier subbing schedule, the return to the hotel’s front desk?

Usually cooler temps give me a boost to buckle down on things needing to be done. The lethargy of summer disappears and the anticipation of the holidays drives the energy forward in preparation.

Oh well.

I’m floundering.

I admit it.

Some of you know that this has been a year of heart ache, continuing to be untangled, two steps forward, one step back.

When Brian passed away the reason for my master’s degree evaporated. I’ve been candid with my professors about my apparent lacksadaisical attitude toward my classes. I’ve been candid here on my blog, too.

Motivation is pretty key to learning. I’ve observed this in everyone. No one is exempt from it.

I could say that getting the MPA was motivation, but it seems rather empty. Learning administration is something I need, not that I’m gifted in it (I’m opposite, actually). I thought that starting a non-profit organization to help those leaving jail would be helpful. It certainly is needed. Recidivism is a major issue, at least it is here in Minnesota. I assume it has something to do with human nature and the inability to change without spiritual intervention.

There are dime-a-dozen self-help ideas out there. Some people dig in their heels and grit their teeth, pull themselves up by the bootstraps and ignore the supernatural void in their hearts—the God-shaped vacuum—and achieve a measure of success.

Sometimes the success comes from evil powers instead of holy ones.

Knowing the need for proper human existence, proper life skills, proper attitudes toward the Creator is a key concept that some beings never considered. It’s true. I’ve seen it, met them.

There is a sub-cortex part of the brain that has to do with basic survival. Food and warmth, basic life preservation, nothing more.

Finding the motivation to live well, to contribute, to love something—to fulfill purpose, is necessary to all humans. We must rise above the amygdala.

I am toying with that amygdala existence right now. It is akin to fetal position. Motivation is hard to come by, and I see no great tomorrow. I might see vague visions of position in the clouds but their forms are elusive right now.

I feel like a teenager again, but I’m a grandma approaching 60.

What should I do?

Concentration has come hard for me. I’m easily distracted from boring textbooks. (I didn’t used to be this way.)

Gritting my teeth has become tiresome.

Watch me grieve. Watch me deal. Watch me try.

I am not without hope. I have Jesus. Even if I cannot see or imagine the future, I do trust. I never really lost that.

I’m spending a lot of time putting my hope in answered prayer. God always answers, yes or no, but I can pray for my needs and desires. He will answer. It might not look like I thought it would.

I choose to stay on the drafting table. The tablet it still open for His writing my life story. The clay is still soft and able to be molded.

I am still going to try.

I think a degree in public admin could be helpful on many levels, even if I have no natural bent toward administering.

I guess I can learn. I can serve.

The millennium is coming. I might as well prepare for it. We believers will ALL be administrators for 1,000 years. Isn’t that impressive?

MARANATHA!!!

I just watched a show that had a ruby red Ford Fusion and a Scamp camper. I wonder if someone in the entertainment world is spying on me. Hilarious! I see corgis everywhere, but that isn’t unusual. Scamps are. My ruby red Fusion is unusual too, as it is a 2014 manual trans. (It’s a lot of fun, actually, and I hope it never dies.) I pull the Scamp with my white pick-up, not the Fusion, but it made me laugh to see my stuff in the TV show. Maybe I just don’t watch much TV.

Pets are fine. Yukichan is finally house-trained. Time to really deep-clean. She is still tearing up all toys and shoes within her reach, though. Puppy antics continue. The cats are reluctant to leave the warmth of the house. Yes, we’ve had snow this past week.

We are adjusting to the new driving patterns since our road became a dead-end. It takes me an extra five minutes to get to the YMCA now for swimming. All things in time. School seems to be going okay for Ed and Cherie. Margaret listed the old Saturn on Craig’s List to sell. Must clear out the back parking area for the snow plow this winter. I’m hoping someone wants it for parts or something. It doesn’t work right now. I’m sure Brian could troubleshoot what is wrong with it. Alas. I cannot.

The house repairs continue. We are addressing the laundry room next. The porch ceiling is beautiful and bright! The new tile in the basement looks lovely. The gutters are on and they look marvelous. Our new roof is really exceeding all expectations. Corgi Hollows looks sharp!

I’m hoping that next weekend my eldest son can come out and do yard clean up for winter. The leaves are truly down now, after one of the longest and colorful, warm autumns I’ve ever experienced.

I guess I’m ready for winter.

I’ve unpacked my sweaters, my down coats, and my wool socks. Boots stand ready. The wood fireplace is in operation, as the wood shed is all set for the season. The fire looks and feels good. I’m knitting a sweater for Yukichan. She doesn’t have the scruff of Corwyn.

It’s cozy.

This is just a little report from Corgi Hollows, especially for those of you that actually stop in and are a physical part of our lives.

Our road, which has been open to a major US highway for decades, will close that access this weekend. The only way to get to Corgi Hollows is from the north, now, a back road down a steep hill, back up, through the swamps. We will now be a “dead end.”

It’s a little unnerving. Old habits die hard, and this is a permanent change.

I don’t know why I have a feeling of claustrophobia about it, but perhaps the accumulated change in my life is just so pervasive I am driven to the edge by this life alteration.

Funny, aren’t we?

Have you read “Life of Pi?”

I did, for book club a few years back. That book points out the routine enjoyed by animals—and humans—and why zoos are not the worst places after all.

We—mammals— like the security of ritual and routine.

I will miss the turn I’ve made for almost 60 years. I guess I didn’t think it would really happen.

I’m glad for my truck, now, which will hopefully get us out up the hill to the north on snowy days. I think about stuff like that.

Today would have been our 32nd wedding anniversary.

Like Asian cultures do, to remember those that have passed and special events, I took Ed and Cherie out to the restaurant that Brian and I went to occasionally to celebrate our anniversary. Margaret dropped off a beautiful bouquet, remembering, for sure, that Brian never forgot to bring me flowers.

I had to do something. I will celebrate a marriage that lasted for 30 years.

Thank you, friends, for your kind thoughts and sweet memory of this day for me.

It seems that our world is changing at a pace which makes us breathless.

In the prophecy community there have been earth shaking things: Russ Dizdar passed away from Covid-19. Tom Horn is really sick with it right now. Pray for the Dizdar family and for Tom’s recovery.

It seems to coincide with a crackdown from the elites. I saw a post by Jack Hibbs on Insta that shared concern about the military and vaccine mandates. Also news about our own Scott Jensen: this fine doctor is being investigated for the FIFTH time because he shares views that aren’t mainstream elitist.

Pray for those who stand in the way of us peons. We see them as a shield. They are fielding the darts of the evil.

I tried to hear Billy Crohn speak a week ago. I was unable to stay for the entire meeting as I had assignments to do. What I did hear was super interesting. I will look for his entire message online soon. The report on Artificial Intelligence was eye-opening.

________

Corgi Hollows is as busy as its one-time beehives.

We had massive water damage in our basement this spring. For the last two weeks I’ve had crews fixing stuff. Corgi Hollows has seen a porch ceiling finished, a new tile floor installed in the basement, ceiling damage fixed after five years, a new front yard with water flow in mind. I also asked for other spots that need fixing to be repaired: windows, sinks, painting the outside trim.

Last time we sold a house we fixed everything right before selling. I decided to fix things now and enjoy them for awhile!

I have no plans to move. Mom and Dad are next door and I’m sticking around to be by them for now, for as long as I can.

True confessions: my studies are really getting burdensome and hard right now. My reasons for getting an MPA have evaporated, so I’m grasping for motivation to finish right now. I hate to leave anything half done, so I’m trying to persevere. I love the class about south east Asia. That is interesting. The budgeting and finance one is like bitter medicine. I hate it.

I am behind right now, so I need to take a deep breath and bite off just enough each day to be able to digest the material. It will require my absolute self discipline and mental energy.

I don’t look forward to it.

The “damage” that my studies suffered is due to the wonderful life events of the past month. I learned my own lesson. A master’s degree should not coincide with life events.

I learned that over and over since I began this program in fall of 2019. Somehow I am here in October, 2021. Still going. Still trying.

God has a sense of humor, and he delights in being strong in our weakness. It’s amazing. I have seen His hand in all of this.

Again, I want to assure you that I am NOT BAD LUCK. It may look like that on the surface. I am simply waiting to see how the story plays out. Don’t be afraid of me. I am pulling back from the world to find balance, a surer foundation in my faith in Christ.

I’m learning Chinese right now, and it serves as something “completely different,” as Brian used to like to say: “And now for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!”

We still quote my husband around the house all the time. We hear his voice saying his favorite things. Brings a smile to my face. 😉

It will be his 59th birthday on Saturday. It will be our 32nd wedding anniversary next week.

I’m coming up on a week of “would-have-been’s.”

These are still hard.

If you could see the beauty outside my windows right now you would swoon. The colors continue to dazzle me. This is unprecedented. I posted quite a few photos on Instagram, so if you’d like to see them head over there. As far as I can tell I am the only “Corgi Hollows” on social media for now. You can probably find me.

I had chai with my new church’s pastor’s wife yesterday. We found all sorts of connections. We are family in Christ. I love her. I know how to pray for her better, and she knows how to pray for me. She did not know that I am a widow.

I am a sinner standing in the need of prayer. I don’t believe I am bad luck. I don’t believe in luck. I don’t know why God has brought such deep suffering into my life.

I also have experienced great blessing.

I choose to focus on the blessing.

My choice today is to wait, breathlessly, for Christ’s rapture. It is the next thing on the prophetic calendar.

Are you ready?

MARANATHA!