Category: Uncategorized

What a month of work it has been!

I’ve been subbing so much I’ve neglected tons at home, so this week I resolve to get some cleaning done.

I’m waiting for the snow to melt to have a campfire—and to clean out the winter’s accumulation of cardboard and junk! The snow is still pretty deep everywhere, but the last few days have seen sunshine and the fifties.

So ready for spring.

The elbow saga has a wonderful miraculous twist. We saw a different provider, and the immediate report is that despite necrosis there is much new bone evident and the healing is remarkable! Praise to the Father, the Healer!

The woman I have been seeing for counseling recommended a Bible that highlights all the passages about healing. She suggested I pray these healing verses over Ed. There is so much to heal in our lives besides our bodies.

The sandhill cranes are back, and I know now that they recognize and love my brother (who visits from New York occasionally) because they showed right up by the house when he got here Saturday. They have been performing for him. Birds are smart. They know all of us. God’s creation continues to amaze me.

I’ve got a silly, whimsical hobby lately. I like treasure hunts when it involves thrift stores or quirky items. I love whimsy. Ed and Cherie put up with my fancies. Brian did, too, especially regarding childen’s books and hunting for long-gone gems like Hester Beatty’s “Little Owl Indian.” That book took me YEARS to find.

This year it’s strawberries. I even have a strawberry board on Pinterest.

The cuteness and flavors, fragrances and quirkiness that I’ve discovered has been so fun!

For example: I drank coffee this morning, Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Covered Stawberry flavor—–Delicious! Before this “hunt” I never would have touched the stuff (I’m a chocolate person up until now) but it has been fun to discover the joys of strawberry! Sadly this coffee is “limited edition.” A brief enjoyment.

I have found such cute strawberry stuff in unexpected places. I guess strawberries are pretty popular in Japan, so I find stationery and pens from there with that theme. I may give you a strawberry thing this year.

I found a bottle of strawberry lotion at Marshall’s that smells amazing! Anyway, I think this all started with Ed getting a bunch of strawberry plants last spring. It remains to be seen if those plants survived this wretched winter.

My mom must have had a strawberry phase too, as she had several jewelry pins with strawberries, some that she had made with decoupage at Pioneer Girls in the 1970’s. I have been wearing them to school. The kids know that I’m a strawberry nut this year. Whimsy.

It’s so cute when one of them shyly comes up to me and says “I like strawberries too!”

I remember that my first grade teacher, Mrs. Zanis, always wore pins of flies to school. It was a weird but memorable whim of hers. I loved her. She was one of my all-time favorite teachers. I remembered that whimsy is memorable.

I am seeing sunshine outside this morning. It’s chilly, but there’s expectation for a quick rise in the temps. I’ve neglected the pool and the gym last week. Just worn out. I need to get back on track.

Our Sunday School teacher reminded us yesterday that we get up in the morning and we can consciously can decide to put Jesus on the throne of our lives for the day—-or put ourselves there. It was a good thought.

I want Jesus on the throne today.

MARANATHA!

As the winter wanes I am restless to get on with things. I think I need spring in a bad way this year. The snow has been ruthless this year.

I’m thinking of my home as a fortress more and more.

We are in a dilemma currently. Ed’s elbow has been ignored by the medical team we sought out.

Tonight he plans to go to an orthopedic urgent care center here in the Twin Cities if an appointment cannot be made today or tomorrow with another orthopedic doctor in the system we have been using.

His arm is still in the splint that he got on February 20 in the ER. It’s literally falling apart. Nothing has been done, no consultation (the orthopedic doctor at Buffalo went on vacation and isn’t coming back until March 30)

The cat scan happened, and we can see the image online, but who are we to interpret it?

I have no idea how to push this system, so we are abandoning it.

With Ed’s avascular necrosis from his extensive cancer treatments he is a special case. The scan apparently indicated that necrosis was in the elbow. Remember, Ed has two artificial knees.

Although the ER doctor was nice at Buffalo I would never return to that hospital in an emergency. The follow up is unreal..

May God help us!

We still don’t know if surgery is needed.

I am trying to just trust God —–WHY, Though, LORD???

Ed plays the piano, but hasn’t since the accident. He started his new job as a computer engineer with limited mobility.

Why, God?

In the meantime, Ed was at his friend’s house playing games with the parents and a brother. It was Wednesday evening. That night the mom, also a friend of mine, passed away suddenly in her sleep. She was gone on Thursday morning. Ed said there was absolutely nothing to indicate she wasn’t fine.

This shocked us all. We are reminded of Brian’s sudden death. Another person we knew and cherished is with Jesus.

It’s hard.

It’s so hard.

Between loss and dilemma I’m crying.

I’ve been working steadily, too. It’s subbing season: teachers are worn down, fitting in their kid’s spring breaks, appointments, and all sorts of educational commitments. I’m in demand these days, and I have a hard time saying no. I’m tired.

An Ethiopian Jewish man who is a believer asked me out recently. It was interesting to meet him. I’m actually interested in getting to know someone who speaks Chinese—this is the direction my life is taking now. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack though.

My husband Brian was One in a Million. It’s hard to find a partner who is comparable. I’m accepting that life will be lonely for me until Christ comes, waiting for my Eternal Monarch. Men don’t pursue like they used to. They’ve been burned out on masculinity—even those who are my age.

Almost three years of being alone has trained me and fostered acceptance of loneliness.

I have Jesus. I have my little fortress here on earth, my house/farm in the countryside, Corgi Hollows. He knows my needs. He cares. I can wait on Him.

Topaz is calling me for snuggles. Of my three cats he is the most affectionate. I love him, big black boy that he is. (Our vet loves him too, and coos over him every time!) I’ll go give him a chin scratch before heading to swim.

I’ve been lax with the CrossFit and swimming lately. The weather has been HORRIBLE and my mood hasn’t been much better. My fortress has been welcoming and warm, safe and cozy.

Spring is not coming soon enough this year. I know it will come, because of God’s promises, but I’m impatient. I think this weather is a judgment on our state for passing such terrible and barbaric abortion laws recently. Weather CAN be judgment. Sometimes.

I choose to think so.

Corgi Hollows needs a load of gravel to repair an old driveway—this weather has been destructive like never before. Snow banks have thwarted access all spring. It’s brutal.

Maintaining a property is not for the faint of heart. I know this.

God provides. He has, and He will.

Everyone asks about my mom. She’s doing well. Ed has been staying over here at Corgi Hollows because he liked the way our couch propped him up with his elbow situation all night. My mom misses him, but we are right here, and all is well. He’ll move back to the apartment there soon. She is grieving for Dad in her own way and in her own time. I think she is healthy. Thanks for asking.

I was a bit raw today. Pardon me.

From the battlements of Corgi Hollows,

MARANATHA!

Since my life has been marked by hard things recently I cannot help but be a little “dark” on my blog. I’ve always wanted to be “light” in this world, but my circumstances have made that hard for me.

Still, most of us have darkness that we must deal with, and how we deal with it can be a source of light to those who really have none.

Because I am a believer in Jesus I have hope.

My interest is primarily in the life that is eternal—the life of my spirit in Christ Jesus.

This is my experience, this is my faith, this is my hope.

So, watch and see how effective it is to have faith.

I fail, as my previous post tells, but my ultimate end is absolute victory.

Today may be full of snow and hardship, but I know a day is coming when I will see my King face to face, when all of my dear ones are perfect and welcoming me into a blissful existence with God the Father.

He is holy. I will be holy. We will stand in His presence, whole and pure.

Today I may be down. I may be struggling and even shedding a few tears. I do that often these days because life is hard.

This isn’t my ultimate, though.

I have hope.

The King is coming.

MARANATHA!

Can you be a failure in grief?

I speak only from experience, mine, and I’ve thought so. What is failing at grief, anyway?

Not crying enough? Feeling totally lost? Anger at the One who orchestrates the world?

How about sobbing at inappropriate moments?

Those all look like failure to me.

What about the darkness —blue—that sits in the chest, coloring the days?

Loss brings grief.

I’ve struggled with maintaining our home, as well. Failure. Managing is hard.

I’ve dropped the ball on most relationships.

Can you hear what I am saying? Those who grieve are prone to failure.

I’m not stupid. I have a smattering of talents and gifts, understanding. To whom much is given much shall be required.

I’ve failed there, too.

So, speaking as a FAILURE, I will say this: God forgives. He will forgive that mess I’ve made.

Can you forgive me, too?

I’m weeping a bit today. It’s okay. I need to vent some periodically.

It was on Monday that Ed and I were headed to Arizona—but on his way to get spruced up for the trip, a haircut, he slipped and fell badly on the ice, fracturing his elbow.

When we were to be going through security we were sitting in the Emergency Room in Buffalo, Minnesota, an hour away from the airport.

The ER doctor first said that surgery was expected, but that was amended to “Wait, and let’s see.”

After the week of quiet rest at home I thought to myself that I could have flown myself to Arizona, but that never occurred to me during the process. It was an afterthought. I’m still too much a “mom” to my 24 year old. Oh well.

I miss my cousin in Arizona, and I had looked forward to the trip for years.

Thankfully I’ve been blessed to see her here in Minnesota several times in the midst of my crisis. She was my medicine. She was my stalwart support at my brother’s death, my husband’s death, my dad’s death. She was there for me. God gifted her to me many years ago.

I’m thankful.

I got vouchers from Sun Country, and for that I’m grateful. I can anticipate another trip when the planets align again.

For now we weathered a snow “event” and we are still not fully shoveled and plowed out. Maybe I’m weeping about that too.

My husband used to be practically manic getting us back to the norm after snow. He was legendary. Now we wait for temps to rise above freezing. Nature takes its course. Cherie helps, too, especially shoveling out Grandma next door.

Last night we saw “Jesus Revolution” and I’m a bit sad today, perhaps because of that. My niece’s song was the soundtrack during the part at the end where the “real” photos and facts about the story ran. “You got a Friend in Jesus”

The film was laced with Hollywood Illuminati stuff, but the story about Chuck Smith is worth telling. There are several men of God that emerged from this Jesus movement.

As someone who has been a Jesus Freak for decades I watch and see what God is doing worldwide—or what the enemy is doing.

Inevitably there will be true fruit from any flash in the pan movement. Asbury revival event included. Who am I to decry the work of the Spirit? Not doing it.

Though I see that trend as temporary and full of error I will not bash it.

God works in mysterious ways. If some can come to Gospel Truth through any means (and many have!) I will applaud it. I particularly think of Sadhu Sundar Singh, one of my favorite people of all time. I can’t wait to meet him in heaven.

Find stuff in the archives of libraries about him. It’s all been put in storage, but it’s worth calling up from the basement shelves. Fascinating stuff. God is great. He’s not bound by western culture, either.

There are always those of us tapping our pencils at doctrine and theology, waiting for those deeper arguments to surface, defining and honing faith.

My journey is between me and God, and I am not the judge of anyone else.

I prefer to retreat, pray, and watch the Holy Spirit open up the eyes of those who will truly see. The emotional bandwagon is something I’ve known and cherished.

It isn’t where it’s at, though.

The deeper faith is abiding. The deeper faith can know in the darkness of the pain of this world.

The deeper faith is sustaining and a treasure. No persecution, no death, no discouragement—–no pain can snatch it.

We are called to go and make disciples. We’re called to preach. I am a woman. I can do this, too, even if I cannot be a pastor.

Beautiful are the feet of them that bring good news.

I want beautiful feet.

MARANATHA!

It’s been years since I got to fly south in the winter, but this year I get to go twice.

Blessings.

I spent two days in Orlando, Florida, soaking up the sun and reconnecting with my dear friend who was a bridesmaid at our wedding. She actually was instrumental in bringing my husband and me together.

We had a lot to talk about, her six kids, my five kids, our parents, life stuff. Two days of continuous conversation = HEALING.

Now I get to go south again, to my “medicine,” to Arizona and my cousin who always makes me laugh. Laughter and sunshine, a dose of happiness that should set me up for March (which is always bleak in Minnesota) and April (which is always a wild card here).

I found bargain-basement airfare, so I’m twice blessed.

Isn’t life as a believer fascinating?

It isn’t a bed of roses, a cake walk, or sunny paths, but it IS interesting. Full of grief and pain, mistakes and darkness, yet there is always a ray of light and hope in the bad.

I’ve been clinging to that ray. There is hope.

Are you watching the spiritual stuff that is going on these days? I am.

Since I am always skeptical I wait and watch. Are people testing the spirits? I would never grieve the Holy Spirit by denying His power, and I’d be careful to denounce anything that I don’t fully understand. I know that God works in mysterious ways, and I, as a dispensationalist, have an understanding of interpretation that may not fit the current scenario. I’m talking theology here.

Yet I watch.

God is doing amazing things in these last days. People are being called to Him, snatched from the fire, in these latter days.

Cults and movements will always be around—the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Those of us who cling to Christ alone, who know His Word, who wait patiently for His coming for decades —-we can watch and pray as we see things coming to a head.

Whom do you trust?

I trust my Father in heaven. Can I trust anyone else, really?

When trust has been broken more than a few times it becomes really hard to trust anyone. I admit that my circumstances have shaken my trust in God! Why, God?

Yet underlying this admission I know He is still at work, still my God, still powerful and able. He can turn my issues into a fragrance. He can turn my ugliness into stunning beauty. He is still the pinhole of light that brings shape to the objects of my life in the darkness.

I will still trust Him.

God is still working. He is patient. He loves us. GOD IS LOVE.

Remember this. It may get you through this day.

Sunshine is coming.

Jesus is coming.

MARANATHA

I saw a clip from Amir about the upcoming Tribulation. He says stuff so succinctly. This YouTube clip hasn’t been posted yet, but watch it when you can.

We believers need not fear. Fret NOT. Psalm 37!

Those that need to be snatched from the fire need PRAYER.

Do you have a list?

I do. I know people who need to be snatched for Christ, snatched from the puppet-masters, snatched from the fire. I pray for all of them daily. I keep pictures on my phone’s wall paper of those needing snatching, in my truck, around my house. When I see them I PRAY!

Lord, snatch them! Time is so short!

There are those that are supposedly in the fold, but they are blind to the beast system that is parroting true Christ-centered faith.

Wake up! Test the spirits!

The Laodicean church is in full force today. The devil lets it go its powerless way. WAKE UP!

Such an interesting thing happened to someone who knew my dad. She was fretting about what is going on in the world. A man came to her door and said “Read Psalm 37.”

He was with another man who (she says) looked exactly like my dad. She knew my dad had died. The two turned away from the door and drove off in a nice car (smile!–My dad loved cars.)

FRET NOT! READ PSALM 37.

It is the last days, and stranger things are about to commence.

I cannot explain this occurrence with this woman, but I know we are to be looking up, to not be anxious, and to be WATCHING.

We are going to be meeting each other in the air! How exciting.

I’ve been trying to connect with people from east Asia for the past year. It goes hand in hand with my new job as staff with the Tai Initiative. I’ve had to immerse myself in Asian culture to be able to connect with that part of the world.

A billion people live in China.

Are you praying?

Prayer is incredibly powerful. I’ve been able to have connections with people I never dreamed of meeting. Fascinating!

WE are in the world, but not of it. Watch and pray.

Come Lord Jesus. Even so, come quickly!

Have you looked up Chris Pinto and his stuff yet? You need to get his stuff on the Jesuits.

I follow David Bass on Facebook and YouTube. He has done loads of research on the Beast System.

Please take 20 minutes to watch his film that I posted below.

As you know I’ve stopped watching the news, but I keep tabs on things in the world through Twitter and other means. I have been “overnewsed,” and I know from reading Scripture what to look for.

I’m a prophecy maven, right?

David’s work has been consistently stellar for years, now. He truly loves Jesus. He’s watching the signs, and as a British guy he has a different perspective from us Americans.

Take note of the symbolism in this clip.

I was asked recently about the symbols of the New World Order, or beast system, as I like to refer to it as. This video shows some of it.

I find this symbolism all over the world. It is global. Interesting?

To those of us who have been watching, yes.

Eyes wide open. Jesus comes soon.

Rapture ready!

MARANATHA!

Praying and praising are two sides of the same coin. Last night I had to play the accompaniment for the third grade concert. It was about 20 songs, last minute changes, a bit stressful. For me.

I asked several people to pray for me, as the rehearsals went poorly, and I was extremely nervous. I did this job reluctantly. I love to play, but when the pressure is on to perform I freeze up. My hands get icy, my mind wanders. I get the rush of bad adrenaline and my legs shake.

It’s a recipe for performance disaster, and I am no stranger to this.

I told the director I was a LAST RESORT for accompanist.

Well, I was.

I just didn’t want to screw up the entire third grade concert, so I asked the Lord for His supernatural help.

He answered my prayer, and the prayers of those praying.

The Result:

I made minor mistakes. (Normal ones, no big deal)

I felt a supernatural peace. My body was completely relaxed. I focused on the director. I remembered every last minute change.

The concert was a success!!!

PRAISE GOD.

This is a public school, and “Amazing Grace,” “When the Saints Go Marching In,” “Swing low, Sweet Chariot,” “America,” were all performed. I just love this. Many other old songs were sung, too.

At the end of the concert the third graders gave me a loving hand of applause! It was only due to the grace of God! They knew how I messed things up at the rehearsal!

All good. Thanks be to God.

He answers prayer.

I know that sometimes we get lessons in humility. I’ve been learning those for years. Last night He spared me.

God answers prayer.