As the winter wanes I am restless to get on with things. I think I need spring in a bad way this year. The snow has been ruthless this year.
I’m thinking of my home as a fortress more and more.
We are in a dilemma currently. Ed’s elbow has been ignored by the medical team we sought out.
Tonight he plans to go to an orthopedic urgent care center here in the Twin Cities if an appointment cannot be made today or tomorrow with another orthopedic doctor in the system we have been using.
His arm is still in the splint that he got on February 20 in the ER. It’s literally falling apart. Nothing has been done, no consultation (the orthopedic doctor at Buffalo went on vacation and isn’t coming back until March 30)
The cat scan happened, and we can see the image online, but who are we to interpret it?
I have no idea how to push this system, so we are abandoning it.
With Ed’s avascular necrosis from his extensive cancer treatments he is a special case. The scan apparently indicated that necrosis was in the elbow. Remember, Ed has two artificial knees.
Although the ER doctor was nice at Buffalo I would never return to that hospital in an emergency. The follow up is unreal..
May God help us!
We still don’t know if surgery is needed.
I am trying to just trust God —–WHY, Though, LORD???
Ed plays the piano, but hasn’t since the accident. He started his new job as a computer engineer with limited mobility.
Why, God?
In the meantime, Ed was at his friend’s house playing games with the parents and a brother. It was Wednesday evening. That night the mom, also a friend of mine, passed away suddenly in her sleep. She was gone on Thursday morning. Ed said there was absolutely nothing to indicate she wasn’t fine.
This shocked us all. We are reminded of Brian’s sudden death. Another person we knew and cherished is with Jesus.
It’s hard.
It’s so hard.
Between loss and dilemma I’m crying.
I’ve been working steadily, too. It’s subbing season: teachers are worn down, fitting in their kid’s spring breaks, appointments, and all sorts of educational commitments. I’m in demand these days, and I have a hard time saying no. I’m tired.
An Ethiopian Jewish man who is a believer asked me out recently. It was interesting to meet him. I’m actually interested in getting to know someone who speaks Chinese—this is the direction my life is taking now. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack though.
My husband Brian was One in a Million. It’s hard to find a partner who is comparable. I’m accepting that life will be lonely for me until Christ comes, waiting for my Eternal Monarch. Men don’t pursue like they used to. They’ve been burned out on masculinity—even those who are my age.
Almost three years of being alone has trained me and fostered acceptance of loneliness.
I have Jesus. I have my little fortress here on earth, my house/farm in the countryside, Corgi Hollows. He knows my needs. He cares. I can wait on Him.
Topaz is calling me for snuggles. Of my three cats he is the most affectionate. I love him, big black boy that he is. (Our vet loves him too, and coos over him every time!) I’ll go give him a chin scratch before heading to swim.
I’ve been lax with the CrossFit and swimming lately. The weather has been HORRIBLE and my mood hasn’t been much better. My fortress has been welcoming and warm, safe and cozy.
Spring is not coming soon enough this year. I know it will come, because of God’s promises, but I’m impatient. I think this weather is a judgment on our state for passing such terrible and barbaric abortion laws recently. Weather CAN be judgment. Sometimes.
I choose to think so.
Corgi Hollows needs a load of gravel to repair an old driveway—this weather has been destructive like never before. Snow banks have thwarted access all spring. It’s brutal.
Maintaining a property is not for the faint of heart. I know this.
God provides. He has, and He will.
Everyone asks about my mom. She’s doing well. Ed has been staying over here at Corgi Hollows because he liked the way our couch propped him up with his elbow situation all night. My mom misses him, but we are right here, and all is well. He’ll move back to the apartment there soon. She is grieving for Dad in her own way and in her own time. I think she is healthy. Thanks for asking.
I was a bit raw today. Pardon me.
From the battlements of Corgi Hollows,
MARANATHA!