Half Birthday

There are so many years when I don’t think about “half birthdays” but one of my best friend’s birthdays is a day off of my half one. We celebrated this year with lunch outside Ridgedale Mall in beautiful weather. July is nice in Minnesota.

We had a nice time catching up. She’s posed to travel soon, and I’m somewhat envious. I don’t have the all-clear for travel yet. I did get my passport this week. I had let it expire, accidentally. It came without fanfare, but it represents to me a new chapter in my life,

My Chinese studies are going smoothly. That’s about all I can handle these days with my dad’s condition, which continues to deteriorate.

I’m spending every possible night with him so my mom can sleep. I am tired. Exhausted, really. I’m still wide awake for most of the night—and day, for that matter. The nights I have at home with the pups are spent in dreamless slumber.

Caring for an aged parent is part of life. Most humans must reckon with this stage of life. I am almost 60, and I’ve been blessed with both parents and parents-in-law with above average health. This era came late for me.

I went from raising my five children to caring for my parents pretty smoothly. I am a care-giver.

The brief era in between I attempted to earn my master’s degree. I’m still not finished with it, but tantalizingly close. Trauma, tragedy, life troubles made the path temporarily impossible.

I am expecting a new grandson any day now.

My daughter-in-law is READY to have that boy! His sister is all cute and excited too. We’re all excited.

Milestones. Birthdays. Seasons of life.

I think I’ve finally reached the stage of acceptance in my grief journey. One really does go through those patterns of grief. It’s true. Lately I have felt less agitation, more peace about what happened to us. This is a good thing overall, I believe. I still deal with depression, but that is to be expected.

In acceptance lieth peace,—a phrase from the Mountains of Spices, by Hannah Hurnard. Through miscarriages, terrible things I have remembered this truth.

Peace will come when you resign from the fight, when you see the world as it is in the present and acknowledge that you must go on.

My life continues to morph as I go forward from my past. Yes, it is a huge change. I am not the same person I was. My roles have changed, my goals, my defining characteristics. I really am different. I accept this. I am becoming peaceful.

I am praying that I can be more servant-minded, cherishing the ones that God has given me, serving them.

I have been able to see my dad in a whole new light, as he sweetly conveys his desire to not be trouble for us caregivers. His faith is really shining right now. His trust in God the Father is on display for all of us. Yes, he is still human, gets irritated, frustrated—but the core of his being has obviously been one of trust in the Lord, and his faith is still crystal clear.

Listening to him pray at night before bed is a gift that I have been given in this hard time.

God numbers our days. What will that number be? Are you ready, like my dad, to see Jesus? Have you made that eternal transaction by putting your faith and trust in Him? Those of you who are on my “snatch list” are being prayed for DAILY! I want to see you in heaven!

I am still a prophecy watcher, despite my retreat into my own world of Eastern Asia and my new job, dealing with my new life. The signs are all here. Jesus is coming soon! Are you ready?

Perhaps today?

MARANATHA!