The Lord has confirmed my decision to find a church nearby with a deep peace. I may not agree with all the theology, especially the eschatology, but the pastor and I are on the same page about where we need to focus right now, “at this moment in time.”

(I hear Brian’s voice saying that as he made fun of that phrase in a pompous manner! We’d always laugh hysterically!:))

I can laugh about so many things that we both found funny. I struggle with watching British Lit BBC stuff, as that was one thing we both really enjoyed together. I’ve had to find completely different genres to be entertained by. It’s crazy, the things that make me cry.

*Anyways,* the pastor at my new church has a deep concern to make his church a house of prayer.

Since I went through IBLP’s “Commands of Christ” with my kids several times I was struck by Christ’s command to be a house of prayer.

There is a synagogue down on Hennepin Avenue in Minneapolis that has this command carved in stone around the top of the building. It’s impressive. I’ve always been convicted whenever I saw that. I am saddened that prayer has lost its importance in this modern church age.

As a child I went to Wednesday night prayer meeting with my mom and knelt by the pew with the oldest folk in the congregation. Palmer Erickson was one that prayed those evenings. I remember chewing tough steak from supper through one of those meetings.

Prayer meeting was a given.

Now there is news of a community-wide prayer meeting on Thursday mornings. I might try to go, since my master’s class is on Thursday and I cannot sub that day of the week anyway. This church also has a monthly prayer meeting (better than none!) and the pastor has been preaching on the importance of prayer.

Let me introduce you to my new concept this past year: My Snatch List.

Jude 23 talks about pulling people from the fire. Some translations use the word “snatch.” Just like the Rapture—Harpazo. SNATCH.

There are those that need to be snatched from the fire, from the Illuminati, from sin, from false doctrine. I have my “snatch list” now. I’ve written about it several times already, but I can’t emphasize how this burden is on my heart.

Some of you know that I was “missionary” in Germany, church planting and Turkish ministry. I have worked with Child Evangelism Fellowship for years. Summer Bible camp was another “mission” of mine, up by Thompson, Manitoba. Recently I’ve helped with church plants here stateside, Home-schooling, and Jail ministry. Sharing Christ, telling the Gospel is my mission. I’ve had lots of practice. Corgi Hollows is one of my venues. I’ve seen people come to Jesus, and there is nothing so wonderful!

After Brian died I felt the wind was sucked out of my sails. I turned to a prayer life to sustain myself. The Lord has been convicting my heart that His Spirit is the instigator, the force and drive into people’s souls. We need to be asking for His will in Jesus’ name. His will is for ALL TO BE SAVED.

Let’s ask for those in desperate need of Jesus to come to Him. This is PRAYER!

Prayer works.

I have a special prayer partner and we meet once a month to pray. We have deep and dark needs, we pray, we see results! God is working in the needs we present to Him.

It’s incredibly exciting.

Yes, I’ve seen terrible pain, terrible shock. An outsider might think I’m a person of bad luck. I don’t believe in luck, at all. I believe that God is always working in my life, through the dark, through the light. I choose to see my story as being written. It’s not over yet, at least.

I can die or be raptured tonight/tomorrow/anytime because I have my faith and trust in HIM ALONE. God knows the number of my days, and He writing my life story.

Knowing my husband is with Jesus, perfect and enjoying His presence is a tremendous comfort to me. I look forward to the great reunion, the bridal feast, soon to come. I can persevere until Jesus calls me home.

You can too, with the Holy Spirit.

PRAY! Get your snatch list written down.

Keep your eyes on the LORD’s timing, and be excited for what He is going to do.

I have entire countries on my list, the USA included.

I know a big God. I know the Creator. I know He is able.

He knows my heart, the thoughts of my head, the desires of my heart.

I can trust Him, and so can you.

MARANATHA!

I am still figuring out this blogging apparatus, and uploading photos seems to be iffy. I’ve been able to find the magic road to uploads at times, other times I navigate to nothing. I need my webmaster, Ed, to tutor me.

If I could share a photo I took this morning, I would. The sky is deep sky blue. I always think September has the bluest skies. Perhaps it is just the contrast to the yellowing tree color. All the trees are tipped with gold now.

I said good bye to my cousin yesterday for the fourth time this summer season, and as I dropped her and her husband (this time he came too :)) at the airport a gloom filled my heart.

I am always cheered by her. She’s medicine for my spirit. She lives in Arizona, so it will be a little while now before I get to see her again. I’ll need some vitamin D and sunshine around February, so perhaps I’ll trek down to the sunshiny south for a dose of her good tonic then.

I am now planning a trip out to Pennsylvania with my friends, a possible mission opportunity for me. They are already involved. More later…

School is in full force. I even have had calls to sub this week…

Surprise! The East Asian NGO class is really a highlight of my week! Who would have thought ???

The Budget and Finance class is dry with algorithms and figures. Ugh. One must take the bitter with the sweet sometimes.

I’m finding it challenging to turn out my papers and discussion contributions each week. The reading is formidable.

With a trip and two weddings this semester, plus ongoing life changes and grief I will have my cup of challenge to swallow.

Thanks for saying a prayer for me if my name or face comes to mind. I always do that. The Lord brings to mind those I need to pray for.

Prayer is really on my mind. My new church is starting a series about praying for the lost, exactly what the Lord has been laying on my mind. I have my “snatch from the fire” list. I cry out to God for these souls every day.

You might be on it.

Truly, if you are reading this, you are probably already fire -safe.

I hope so. IF not, you must seek the Lord, and put your trust in Him. Today. Don’t wait.

Even if the Covid vaccine isn’t the mark of the beast, it heralds a beast system, with an identification plan to finger some and exclude others. Human rights are at stake. The facial recognition thing, identifying those who are vaccinated and allowing special privilege to them is disturbing. The proverbial “hour” is late. We see prophesied events churning out in the historical timeline. Time is short. Jesus is coming. Get ready!

Come quickly, Lord Jesus, eternal monarch! King of the millennium! Even so….

Pray for people. The Holy Spirit initiates the spiritual awakening. We must pray! We must trust Him to do His work in the lives of those we are concerned about.

Pray that they believe and put their trust (and hope) in Him. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

This is a message that isn’t known as well as it should be. The harvest is ripe!

Praise God.

Maranatha.

Although I’ve been attending lectures for two weeks at my state university, Ed starts at the U today, and my local public school (where I substitute) starts school today.

I have painters coming today to re-do the trim on my house. One more job sorely needing to be done.

As the weather turns chilly we all pick up the pace and prep for winter.

The fall feasts are in play (High watch Rapture Season!) and it is my middle child’s birthday today. I wish her the most beautiful day and life! She is beautiful.

Last Saturday two angels came to help me get my woodshed filled for winter. John H ran the splitter, his wife, Julie, hauled the wood with Cherie, Ed and me into the shed. I feel so prepared for the snow.

I am so thankful to them, and to the Lord, for prompting them to help me. It was an wonderful day. We had our dear friends here for their events too, and we all had supper at the Ox Yoke Inn. (Great burgers!)

Did I mention how hard it is without Brian?

This is a theme song for my loss. Brian and I liked Jane Austen. (His first bachelor’s degree was English Literature, from Wheaton College in IL) I struggle watching or reading her stuff since his death. Too many poignant moments. I end up with pain in my heart.

Yesterday I found (another) sweet note from my husband. He’d left it in one of my notebooks.

“I love you, mmm, mmm, mmm–“

It made me smile.

When I think about him stepping into heaven I wonder if the last thought he had on earth was one I’d have: “It won’t be long before we’re together again.”

Jesus is coming soon. Death is conquered.

We have the victory.

As I see the darkness, blindness of the Luciferian agenda (Illuminati, Big Pharma, Global Force) gain strength and brainwash the precious billions I have HOPE in Jesus Christ.

He is the Eternal Monarch.

Are you ready to meet the King?

There is nothing more important in your entire life. You cannot battle the dark forces without this assurance.

Today. Repent. Seek His face. Don’t wait.

Last week Cherie and I drove out to Gothenburg, Nebraska to pick up a new family member. Her name is Yuki-chan.

Since Ed is learning Japanese, planning a Japanese garden, and generally familiarizing himself with that Asian culture we decided to go with an appropriate name. Yuki means snow in Japanese. It happens to be a name in Japanese, as well.

I wanted to add the “chan” at the end, which is some sort of diminutive qualification on a name. Ed vetoed this, saying it was some sort of cultural faux pas, but I like it. I win.

Her name is Yuki-chan.

She is a mostly white female purebred Rat Terrier. Her face is priceless. She has a doberman look with little brown spots above her eyes. Her eyes peer into yours with superior intelligence.

We are smitten.

Corwyn growled at her for a few days, but now she anticipates the chase games that occur several times a day. They are sisters, with Corwyn showing the ropes.

The trip to Nebraska was pretty uneventful. We saw Brian’s family, I felt sorrow in another way, and we rode a four wheeler through tall corn at night fast.

I’d say the trip was totally good.

Sorrow is just a fact of my life these days. I can distract myself from it with music or activity, TV, or reading—or studying, driving. In order to breathe I do distract myself. Heartache can be so tiresome.

Today Ed and Cherie are visiting our great State Fair. I wanted to go, but someone had to do puppy duty. Yuki is super smart, but she is still a pup. She needs supervision. I was the one to stay home from the fair. I look forward to the report tonight. I had a craving for deep fried pickles, but that will go unsatisfied. That is one of the things I usually get at the fair, along with a chocolate malt and mini donuts + all the milk you can drink…

Sometimes I get one of those expensive turkey legs. My mouth is watering right now.

Ahhhh. Fair time.

I am thrilled to report that I am not suffering from allergies (yet) this year. Usually my time at the fair is marked by hay-fever misery. I’m wondering why I’ve been given a reprieve. I’m thankful.

Classes started for me last week. I like them. Two good professors, two interesting subjects.

I was offered a long term teaching position, substituting for a second grade class. I paused only a moment before declining. I don’t want to work five days a week plus weekends at the hotel. I don’t want to go back to the admin of teaching.

Give me those days of variety, subbing K-12, all subjects!

My favorite teacher that I sub for already booked me for several days this year. This is promising.

I am breathing.

I have successfully pared down my life for now, with focus on my tasks at hand, my small circle, my immediate responsibility.

If you are reading this and feel I’m ignoring you somehow—perhaps you’ve called me and not heard back from me? Please don’t be offended. I have not been responding to anyone lately. I have had to pare down my entire life, and find new balance.

I can’t just quit (though that is extremely tempting.)

I’ve had to find a new footing, and my time is completely taken up with a very small circle of humans and obligations.

I have said this so many times on this blog: I’m changed. I’m different. I’m not the same person I was.

If you are going through crisis or life change I could only hope that my experience is helpful to you as an example, good or bad.

I’m being real.

The Lord gave me a person at the YMCA that I regularly swim with. She has opened up to me, and we have such similar stories. I have learned so much from her encouragement. We only chat at the Y, but those moments have been prayer-filled, helpful, and revealing.

I’m thankful for her.

With all my swimming and fasting I’ve lost 30 lbs and feel pretty good. I still get anxiety symptoms, but I think they are not as frequent. Your prayers are working.

I enjoy popping into my new church for Sunday Service. Ed and I, and sometimes Cherie, have found a new weekend pastime of having lunch at the Mall of America, strolling around among the foreigners visiting from the globe. We’ve been able to review several restaurants so far, ones we hadn’t ever been to before in the mall’s 25 years. We can offer recommendations if anyone is interested. We had excellent fudge at the Northwood’s Candy shop last Sunday. See you at the mall on Sunday.

My parents are doing well. Dad is back to driving after his stroke. He’s driving just locally, though.

I’m tackling the bad house problems that have plagued me over the summer.

Anyone want to come over and split wood for me? I need to fill up the woodshed before snow. God has someone in mind to help me, I think.

Let’s see who shows up.

It’s beautiful here at Corgi Hollows. I cannot describe the sun-filled fields of hay and corn, line and color that I get to feast my eyes on every day. Nights are crisp.

I am truly blessed. I cannot deny that, and my grief cannot erase that.

New beginnings. Heart flutters. Deep breath.

Yuki-chan, do you need to go out? Did you ring the door bell? Good girl!

Recently I wrote about the pertinence to Scripture and life that a daily time of devotion can bring to your schedule.

I have also been astounded by God’s perfect timing and relevance when it comes to hearing from Him through patterns or sermons. I have even had dreams that have helped me come to a decision or choice.

I am witness to His guidance in relationships, in where to go to church, in what my focus should be, and recently, conviction of sin and a pattern I’d been practicing.

Testimony: It was about a week ago when I sat up in bed and the thought came to me, “I’ve given up.”

I gave up.

I finally know what it is like to just give up. I really do.

There is a place that is called “Gave Up.”

It’s not a good place. It really comes out of a sad heart, a lost way, a place of regret.

In any life there are regrets. I could have, should have, would have…

No matter how well you run the race of life you will have these thoughts because you are human, and therefore imperfect. I have become aware of my own sin (and confess it here) that I should have loved more in my marriage, served more, helped more. I had the right mindset, yet I allowed petty things (foxes in the grain) to undermine my love and resolve. Marriage is hard. There were times I relied on my vows to keep me committed, not my emotions. Marriage is a commitment. Thick and thin, promises must be kept through it all. When you promise something before and to God you are held deeply accountable.

I say this because I am still in the process of grieving (ongoing) and my own limitations haunt me. I do wish I’d been better at being a wife.

If I ever have the chance to be married again I think I will treasure this lesson. I loved being married. I think women and men are created to be married.

I know there are so many who aren’t married, even those who desire to be, but it really is what God intended—-help for one another, a cord of three strands, two are better than one—It’s true.

How I miss my husband.

And I felt that I had given up on my life that day as I woke up. I felt that I had nothing to inspire me to go on. I felt that life was just over for me.

Last night Cherie and I went to hear Michele Bachmann speak at a prophecy event. Her words “Don’t Give Up” went straight to my convicted heart. You may be able to hear her entire talk online somewhere, and I really recommend that. The part about giving up hit me like a bullet.

Lord, you spoke directly to me through Michele.

As I piece together my life post-Brian I am well aware of all my loss. There are still things lying around that have value and meaning —my Master’s classes, my two children still living at home, my house, my pets, my parents living next door. These “pieces” have massive worth.

I am simply trying to make sense of how to concentrate on serving these things better, better than I did my own marriage for 30 years.

I was a faithful wife, a submissive wife, but I could have done better.

I could have done better.

Is that a regret? Is it a conviction?

I know that the Lord is telling me something even today: Don’t give up. Piece things together, get your act together, drop the selfishness.

Serve. Small scale. Just do it, even through grief and loss, pain and circumstance.

It is a beautiful day at Corgi Hollows. The acorns are bulleting my metal roof, the noise continues as they roll off onto the ground. I heard a blue jay give his “fall is coming” call yesterday. This time of year just really grips my heart. The beauty always makes me ache. Golden summer closing, chill of fall in the breeze.

May this quickening revive my own ambition.

I’m taking down?

I heard a speaker at our church talk about his success as a businessman. His name was Stanley Tam. He figured out a way to recycle silver from film—or something like that—and although now his tech is all but obsolete (probably) he made millions at the time.

I don’t remember much about his business, nor his testimony. I think I bought his bio at a thrift store once upon a time, but haven’t read it yet.

The thing I remember is his emphasis on daily devotions and consistent quiet time, how it will supernaturally meld to your own life and schedule, offering wisdom, encouragement, and peace for the very day. It even can portray the surroundings of the person reading the Scripture.

Truth.

I’ve tested this my whole life.

I use “Daily Light on the Daily Path” because my mom and dad read that to me every morning and evening as I grew up. I still use it. I read it to my kids too.

I also have my “read through the Bible in a year” sort of thing going, but it’s taken me two years to read the Bible in Spanish. I’m just becoming more familiar with the language now, and I’m in Amos.

Reading the Bible is something I can rely on.

God is communicating with us even daily.

I realize my life has been through some hefty and deep dark turns lately. I cannot offer much encouragement to anyone, really, but as the things of this earth grow dim the promises of Scripture seem to shine more brightly.

God is still good.

I still trust Him to lead and guide me.

The way seems really hard these days, but I think there may be a little bit of light coming through a crack somewhere.

Hope. It comes from seeking His face.

Some of you may remember the many novels I wrote in high school. Hours were spent at sleepovers reading my romances out loud to my friends, and even at school I used my stories to complete assignments whenever possible.

As I entered college I burned them all, realizing that they were sub-par, immature, not wanting them to be found if I accidentally died or something.

I regret that.

I wrote most of a novel as a missionary in Germany, kept it quietly in my files for several years. The shock was when Francine Rivers released the book “The Atonement” and I saw my story, so similar, in her plot. I would have been accused of plagiarism had anyone read mine.

It’s always rewarding to see that your work could have been significant.

Now I write here, and most of it is pretty raw, certainly real, and all mine.

I love romance. Jane Austen is simply the best. The heart matters are resolved with subtle thoughts and inclinations, nothing bold or cheesy. Characters are either lovable or despicable, yet nuance and reality play significant roles.

Every life is romance.

I have lived pretty fully at this point: blessed childhood, good marriage, five children, grandchildren, poverty, wealth, pain, death, loss. I am not an orphan, which at my age is remarkable.

I’ve pretty much experienced most of human life.

This helps me craft stories, understand change, and be realistic in my outlook.

After my husband died last year I have been in a state of transition. Grief marked my outlook, numbness, shock, confusion, concern. There are days I had to remind myself to breathe properly. Even today I find my hands trembling and my heart erratic. It takes time to recover from such things.

I didn’t ask for this change.

When one is snatched from the fire by the Holy Spirit one doesn’t necessarily ask for such change. It just happens.

Salvation may be the lifeline for a desperate sinner living in hell on earth. Although completely necessary for the successful Satanist as well, the process of repentance and life change may be truly unattractive in comparison.

Repentant sinners know their need for Christ.

Those of us who were brought up in the faith also know it.

Those who have been lured by the world have the most difficult transition to make, one that requires absolute submission and sacrifice.

To say that sacrifice is worth it seems trite, yet it is true.

Truth will prevail as the supernatural world reveals itself more and more. The necessity of Jesus will become clearer and clearer. We all need Jesus. To sacrifice for Him is truly difficult for those who are entrenched in the wealth and prosperity of this life. Young people have an especially hard time extracting themselves from the pleasure of lust and greed.

Christ gave all, has the power to save even the most entrenched sinner.

It is worth everything to turn to Him, let the story reach a tremendous axis of change and transformation, all for the future eternity.

The Holy Spirit is the initiator, therefore I am praying that He initiates this transformation in several people. Prayer is powerful. I have my list of names —those that need snatching from the fire—and I am praying, crying out to God to initiate the heart change in these souls entrenched in this world and all its pretty offers.

The millennium is coming. Christ is coming. The Rapture is coming. The end is truly near. The fire is also coming, eternal lake of fire.

Give up the pretty trinkets and fool’s gold for the pure precious metal of eternity with Christ! The earthly sacrifice is minimal in comparison.

Being saved is a transformation driven by God Himself. When I read of this beautiful and profound change in people I am inspired and hopeful. I know several incredible testimonies.

Satan hates these people and attacks them in severe ways. They fall. They fail. They hurt and they suffer. The battle is real, and the life lived for Christ is certainly no cakewalk.

But how temporary life is.

This present trial doesn’t last. Flip over to I Thessalonians, chapters 3 and 4.

Be encouraged that your story is happening in this moment, God is writing it, you are being transformed even now. This is a picture of salvation. God writes the story.

God wins.

Today is the day of salvation. Let Him start the story in your life! Repent and learn of Him.

It’s been awhile, dear readers. As a blogger for over ten years I’ve had few pauses in writing as long as I’ve had recently.

This pause gave time for an alignment job.

The quiet of grief and loss provided a necessary opportunity to pare down my life and set it on a new course.

Alignment, or realignment. So much is changed.

I’ve reassured my closest friends that my faith remains intact. I am having some trust issues, however, and it has made me more sympathetic, more merciful, more kind in my judgment of people. Generally.

I’m seeing and understanding behaviors in people that I never “got” before.

God is giving me an opportunity to relate to things I’ve never had to experience before.

Corgi Hollows is still a place to report the activity around the place, vent ideas, promote good things. It may seem a bit altered from now on.

After all, I’m not the quintessential home-school mom any more. I seem to have found a purpose in living for Jesus, it’s new and unusual for me, but the focus is still Christ.

Paring things down to make simplicity a theme has been very successful. Perhaps you haven’t seen me in awhile. I’m in a realignment.

I have chosen a new church to attend.

I have chosen to focus on the people the Lord has given me to care for.

I have chosen to be content.

I have chosen to let my grief come whenever it surfaces, but to acknowledge blessings and future hope.

I have chosen to look forward to the millennial kingdom where Christ reigns with His followers on earth. In this world we will have trouble. I will take heart knowing that Christ has overcome this world.

There has been little rain this summer, bringing the mowing season to a close early. The garden does well, and I’ve been treated to zucchini and cherry tomatoes. Corwyn, the Corgi, is still shedding profusely. I have placed a hold on a Rat Terrier puppy in Nebraska to take out the burgeoning Groundhog/Woodchuck population that will destroy my firewood shed.

I’m swimming at the YMCA almost daily to aid my neck and back issues. The result is a much more fit body and mind.

Music has been a comfort to me. My playlist includes Color Theory, Natalie Bergman, Marty Goetz, Jang Guen Suk, Hitchville, Ola Gjelo, Henry, and the Hidden In My Heart Lullabies.

I’m waiting and studying, watching and learning. I’m not the same person I was. I will probably never be the same again.

We all change gradually. Life dictates change.

Sometimes a drastic realignment is called for, especially as the result of major trouble.

I’ve had major trouble.

I’m realigned.

Going forward…

In all of life there are things you can choose: things you can change, things you can opt for, things that you expect.

Those things are never guaranteed.

When everything hits the fan, the bottom drops out, and you find yourself flat out on the floor staring at the ceiling asking “What just happened?”—

That is an unasked-for opportunity.

Re-focus.

Ultimately the God we serve is in Control. He is the Sovereign power of the Universe and He controls the chaos.

(There is really no such thing as chaos.)

I have a mind to reset. That is my choice.

In the past few years I saw and experienced great loss. Great change.

I am, subsequently, changed. There is nothing in my power to keep things “the same.”

Oh, sure, I still like chocolate. I still like pink and horses and Corgis. (I’m eternally 3 years old, apparently).

But things have changed. Relationships have changed. People have changed.

It isn’t that I don’t care, but I simply do not have the capability to care for the things I did care for formerly.

I have to refocus.

I have let many things go.

I’ve allowed myself time to set my face toward new paths.

If you feel left out of my focus I apologize. I mean no ill intent. I have simply downsized in a manner that is revolutionary for my sphere. Basically I’m focusing on Ed and Cherie. We, together, have a mission right now, and we three are going to work on that task. This is my focus, this is our focus. Each of us has our own goals and duty, but together we can take on a bigger project, just one, and we’ve decided on it.

Please don’t feel left out: I can’t handle anymore choices right now, anymore issues, anymore loss, anymore relationship.

The Lord is anchoring me in a new place.

I’m different. I’m changed.

My past is a blessing, a memory, and those of you who are a part of it are cherished.

Kiss me good-bye and wish me well.

I’m refocused.

I woke up a year ago (today, Thursday morning) and kissed my husband good-bye until heaven.

Alignment has been hard. Acceptance is difficult. Pain is real. Self pity is justified.

I’m still in the thick of it.

Tomorrow join me at Fort Snelling in the afternoon to commemorate my husband.