It was four years ago today that my brother was killed by a drunk driver.

Four years.

I woke up with a heaviness in my heart today. Circadian rhythms?

These past four years have been dark for me. It is still a daily battle with grief and sadness, a tightness in my chest that signals heartache.

I go outside and breathe the sunlight.

The beauty of October in Minnesota often tugs at my heart, too.

I struggle.

So I am focusing on what is coming: Japan.

Thanks to a weak yen and ridiculously low airfare, Ed, Cherie, and I are heading to Japan.

Ed has been studying Japanese for the past few years. Cherie has language abilities that amaze me. I am studying Chinese—so we feel sort of prepared for East Asia.

I know that I should have no expectations and seek to quietly observe everything while there, only a week’s length of exploration.

Our focus is gardens, of course, but we’d like to just take in the culture.

I have a few contacts, so we hope to make connections.

Yes, it’s exciting, and that is exactly what I need right now to make it through difficult anniversaries.

Corgi Hollows History Day approaches. We are having a major book sale that day in concurrence. My home-schooling days are OVER.

I am grateful.

It was a good run.

My five kids are all adults, all pretty good humans.

Thanks be to God!

He gets all the glory, in all things.

My heart is lifted by sunlight and gratefulness.

And I look for His coming.

MARANATHA!

Could it be this weekend?

The Feast of Trumpets is the new year, a herald of things to come. Some link it to the promise of a trumpet sounding and the dead rising first…

Then the rest will be caught up to meet Jesus in the air.

I’m that kind of believer. I pray that I can be caught up, not needing to see death, just a meeting in the air and staying with Jesus forever!

What a hope! It’s a blessed hope.

Cherie and I just got back from two nights at Fort Ridgely, a state park near the Minnesota River, up river from New Ulm.

I had intended to write a couple of papers there for the Bible class we just joined, but it didn’t happen.

I slept most of the time. I haven’t slept like that in quite some time.

Now I am rested up, really, and the weather was perfect in every way.

The camping trip was perfect.

Still, I am fighting the blues of depression tonight. Fort Ridgely was one of our favorite places to go camping. Camping without Brian is something that brings up memories—-good ones—and the loss makes it bittersweet.

Grief continues in a morphed way.

This fall I have four trips, the first is over. I’ll report as they happen for me.

God is gently leading me out of my fortress.

Maybe the next trip we take together—-caught up to see Jesus.

Yes, Lord. Come quickly!

MARANATHA!

PS Fort Ridgely is a very historical place. The Dakota Wars of 1862 happened in the region, the fort playing a huge role in the conflict. I think it is important to know the history of that war, the shaping of our country today, also all the angles and sides to the conflict.

Several good books have been written. Each time I go to Fort Ridgely I learn something new.

How quickly time flies. How monumental things can become when we do not live as we should!

Keep short accounts, keep Christ’s commands, keep loving one another. War is a product of the fallen nature. Don’t you long for Christ’s kingdom?

I do.

In the USA there is an advantage to have two new years to begin each calendar year: school year counts as a beginning as well as January 1.

It’s September 2, 2023.

School starts in Minnesota the day after Labor Day. By law.

I already received my first calls to substitute teach.

I have other things to schedule in this lighter fall subbing schedule: Japan, Pennsylvania, camping at Fort Ridgely, and a quick trip to see my wonderful cousin in Arizona.

Sounds busy, right?

Japan may finally happen for us. It’s been years in the planning. Sometimes you have to strike while the iron’s hot, and the stars align. We do not know if things will all come together yet, but we are trying to make it happen.

Japanese gardens, here we come…

I finally get to meet my boss with my Chinese/American NGO this fall. We both plan to be in Pennsylvania for a conference. I get to travel with my dear friends out there, time with special people.

Remember when Ed broke his elbow last winter? We still have the flight vouchers for the trip we were to take to Arizona that day. They are only good for a few more weeks. Gotta make that happen.

Cheri loves to camp, as her dad did. Fort Ridgely was one of her favorite spots to camp. I have to remember how to hitch up the Scamp correctly and get on the road….It isn’t hard, but when you don’t do it often you forget. I am not my husband. He always knew how to do stuff like that.

Pray I do it right. There is always YouTube, but each vehicle/hitch has its variations.

Fall hayfever has made it’s appearance. My mom was talking about rosefever being spring allergies, hayfever being fall. I think it is Ragweed that makes me miserable.

More honey, more echinacea.

My brother and his family have been here from New York, also my niece and her husband, from California. My Swedish nephew-in-law got to experience the state fair last weekend. I think he may have been a bit overwhelmed, but generally he enjoyed it.

Ed, Cherie, and I went to the fair with my son’s family, —my eldest grandson. It was his first time at the fair, and he is 7. He LOVED it, and it was such a joy to experience his thrill at the fair. We had a wonderful day! Lots of people, perfect weather, just fun. I didn’t get to hear my favorite band at the fair: Ecuador Manta. They are playing each evening at the DNR building stage. I am sad I missed them, but our day was pretty full as it was.

In the midst of all this our old refrigerator quit. Spending a week without a fridge could have been worse. We hauled up the dorm fridge that is in storage. Still…

Next week the furnace will get checked. First time in 8 years…

Two windows need to be replaced. They don’t shut properly. Home ownership…

It’s been crazy busy.

My mom is tired after all of this fun, and we are ready to settle into the new routines of the new school year.

What is God doing in our hearts?

There are still days of question, grief, confusion. Having made my decision to “fortress” I am so thankful for the quieter commitments.

Life is different. Life is new.

Thanks for stopping in at Corgi Hollows. Coffee on the porch is always an option. These are golden days in Minnesota.

I imagine many like this in the Millennium. Beautiful, sweet, love-filled days.

MARANATHA!

Being a musician, I am accosted at times with random song lyrics.

This morning the temps are in the 60’s, and it really feels COLD OUTSIDE!

I guess Christmas is coming.

What a summer for me! All sorts of things sorted.

School starts in just three weeks, and I look forward to being a substitute teacher again. This summer I actually received a sweet note from one of the principals, a thank you note, for being a faithful substitute. It’s nice being appreciated.

Other things sorted were life decisions, relationships, memories, and goals.

Looking back at the past years I realized the power of grief and loss, how they affect us profoundly, coloring the whole world.

Each of us grieves in different ways, but for me it was a “shut down.”

I still functioned, for the most part, but it was barely. I was always processing.

That process continues. I’m pretty sure it will never stop, until we meet the Lord in the air.

Anyway, things march along here at Corgi Hollows.

Today our African daughter moves back to college. Next week I will attempt to organize books again. I want to have a book sale in the fall, during Corgi Hollows History Day, October 14.

I have literally thousands of books to sell. I home-schooled, so I am ready to part with many of my books.

It has been hard for me to be ruthless about purging things that I don’t need anymore.

My goal of 2023 was to simplify. I just couldn’t handle a lot of anything—–so SIMPLIFY!

That means paring down materially, too.

How much time do we actually have on this old earth? Not much. It is time to get ready for the Great Departure, the Snatching, a.k.a. The Rapture.

Because I raised a family of five children, all home-schooled, there was a great deal of Material involved; paper, books, supplies for all kinds of projects.

Most of this stuff is still useful despite the internet! It’s a challenge to pare it all down now, not just dispose of it, redeem its value, and pass it along to those who’d appreciate it.

The story of a life lived in our great country of vast wealth. We all have so much.

I’ve watched a bit of what is happening on Maui. I actually know people there. They’ve lost everything.

I am so grateful to God for His protection and care in my current situation. He has been good to me. He has provided for my needs, helped me to take care of pressures and demands.

He is my helper and my guide.

I look forward to a face-to-face with my Lord soon.

There is something about 2023 that is causing a swirl in the unseen world. What do they know, what are they hinting at?

It’s a significant time.

WE are in the season of change.

Are you ready?

I’m going to put on a sweater.

MARANATHA!

On Friday my latest grandson was born, “Casper.”

He is a beautiful baby, like his three cousins were as babies, also my dear grandchildren. God has blessed me with a lovely family.

Yes, there are “issues,” but overall I can PRAISE GOD for His goodness to me. Casper has Margaret for a mommy, and that is a blessing to him, as well. She’s been blessed with so many talents and gifts. I bless them. Pray for them with me, please!

It is a hot week in late July, and I am feeling energized. Shock! Usually I wilt in anything above 85 degrees. I’m such a Minnesota girl. Those first tinges of fall really get my blood flowing again and I can conquer mountains of work.

It was an eventful weekend at Corgi Hollows, full of activity, house guests, and wonder.

I finally got to go back to my home church, where my pastor continues his march through Genesis. I’m really affirming his messages, he preaches such interesting details!

I am a believer in many conspiracies. Look that word up. The “Conspiracy Theorist” term was invented fairly recently and it has colored the whole meaning of the original word.

Lucifer is a person who conspires. There are conspiracies. He is the ultimate practitioner of this, but many other persons conspire, dream, manipulate, and drive their own plans to fruition.

Because there is such a flow of information to field and analyze, daily, in our world, one MUST have a worldview that is rational and reasonable to exist with.

I have chosen the “young earth, Biblical inerrancy worldview.” Boy, am I glad that is my worldview! What a safe place to be in this crazy era, even though some may believe this is “conspiracy,” negatively.

I also believe in the harpazo which many like to gloss over or discount, yet it is there, plain as day, in 1 Thess. 4:17. It is a Bible story event 8 times, starting with Enoch and ending with the Bride of Christ (the church.)

I am watching for the harpazo. I believe that according to prophetic signs being fulfilled all around us today, also the astronomical signs that God gave us (the church age into the age of the Spirit’s outpouring) that Jesus is going to catch us up pretty soon.

I believe that my generation will see this event, since Israel is now a nation since 1948. This generation won’t pass away before we see this, according to prophecy.

Prophecy in Scripture is 100% fulfilled.

God sees all time. He knows. WE are about to see some of the most amazing things unfold.

As the Bride of Christ, we can anticipate a week of feasting with the Bridegroom while Jacob’s Trouble takes place on earth: really, Satan’s last stand. That week will be horrific. It is a week of years, so it will not be easy to survive it.

Many will come to Christ, and the Lord will preserve His people, miraculously, but I would much rather avoid it—if I were you.

I am a believer, covered by the blood of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. My sin is forgiven. I, therefore, know where I will be for that week: WITH JESUS.

This was not of myself, lest I should boast!

I have been through a time of darkness, much written about here on Corgi Hollows. It has been my trouble.

I am changed.

I am older, wiser, quieter. I am warier.

I am watching the world becoming swept under the influence of the Illuminati. Remember that I lived in Ingolstadt, Germany, for a year. I met a dark power there one afternoon. I did not know what it was, but my friend introduced me to this spirit and ever since I am aware of its massive influence in this realm.

Most people are completely blind to it. They do a good job of being a secret society. So much influence behind the scenes. Uncanny!

But I have no fear because even though he slay me, yet shall I live. I’m seeing my Bridegroom soon.

I’ll see those dear to me who are with him, too.

How long, Oh Lord? How long?

Soon, and very soon we are going to see the King.

MARANATHA!

By the way: Due to an exceptionally long winter I’m dealing with EXCESSIVE SHEDDING, particularly the Corgi! Corwyn needs the Furminator every single day, and she is still shedding profusely! She’s six now, and I’ve never seen it like this. I guess she is shedding six years of hair. The wood floors are carpeted in her hair. Yukichan sheds some too, but she has a light coat to begin with. The boy cats are also shedding.

I must conclude that it was the long winter. Are you seeing it too?

I run the vacuum daily.

I would love some help with the wood pile if anyone wants to spend an afternoon. I’ll pay in pizza. 🙂

My traveling foot is itching. Don’t be surprised if Miss Corgi shows up in Japan, China, or somewhere else in Asia. I miss Germany and I want to see my pen pal from 3rd grade in Sweden. I need to try out my language skills. Turkey is calling too. Greece? Cyprus? How about Israel?

Chinese is hard. I like it, though. It actually makes sense to me now.

Maybe I’ll just go spend a couple hours at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts in the Asian Art section. Options.

Would anyone be interested in a Corgi Hollows Meet-Up near the MPLS/STP airport, like the MOA this fall? I can designate a spot to meet and fellowship. You can come as you wish, introduce yourself in a safe environment and we can all encourage each other in these times. Let me know. I may just make a plan and you can plan accordingly. Remember that our Minnesota culture is very much like a totalitarian state, so think about that when you book your flight. Undercover is the word, especially at the MOA.

Corgi Hollows History Day is still planned for October 14. That is at Corgi Hollows. Message me for details. Come dressed as a character/figure from history, be prepared to tell us about your person. Time is 1 to 6 with a bonfire, Kosher hotdogs, and an informal gathering at 3:00 pm. Parking is in the hayfield across the road from the houses.

If the weather is poor we’ll meet indoors. I anticipate a brisk sunny fall day! The best the world offers in weather. Bring a dish to share if you’d like, Old fashioned Minnesota pot-luck style. I’ll have a screen house with tables for the spread.

Music will hopefully happen, too.

“Courage is more than a daring deed, it’s the breath of life and a strong man’s creed.”

-Edgar Albert Guest

As we look down the cliff of looming last days we need one thing more than hope, and that might be courage.

Hope we have. God gave us hope in the Garden of Eden.

Courage is something needed periodically.

When did God give courage? I remember the stories of Moses, Joshua, Gideon first. David had courage.

Courage was shown in most of our favorite Bible stories, and it came from the Lord because the Bible characters usually had pretty outstanding faults.

Are you ready for being a character in a Bible story?

Since the Bible is about 30% prophecy, much of which has been already fulfilled, we know that there are things yet to come.

The prophecies are being fulfilled in our age, just as they were in the time of Christ. We are approaching the end of the church age, and people are acting “as in the days of Noah.”

—another prophecy.

So what we need now is courage. I’m seeing many of my friends looking rather faint lately. The spiritual battle has been ruthless. Many are sick (myself included) spiritually, weakened from the trials and trouble the enemy has pitched our way.

Don’t lose heart!

Look at the WWII soldiers and learn from their courageous example. Many bravely faced their death for a greater good, a greater cause.

Those responsible for wars will not go unaccountable.

Let us learn from the soldier metaphor that is also used in Scripture to bolster our own walk with the Lord.

We need God’s powerful help in becoming courageous.

Not my will, Lord, but Thine!

But still—–

MARANATHA!

Sometimes I write a particularly sensitive post—one that I don’t mind making public, but not to thousands.

Corgi Hollows has become an entity followed by several thousand people, more or less. It represents a lot of light, rightness, and devotion to God, all from an imperfect heart fraught with loss and grief.

As it has such a following I know it hits a note with fellow sufferers.

We suffer together.

In the past four years I’ve lost six persons, either to death or to relationship failure. All of these people were extremely important to me, not peripheral. They include my husband, my dad, my brother, and my daughter, also two of my closest friends.

Yes, you can feel a bit sorry for me.

This loss is not my own. My whole family has felt it and dealt with it on all sorts of levels. Life has been a constant challenge.

Some days it is enough just to breathe. There were days I couldn’t eat, just breathe.

Everyone has read self-improvement books, I think. I have thousands of books with a whole section on getting life right.

That doesn’t include the theological section.

I’ve literally read the book on self-help. I’ve heard a lot, if not all. There’s lots to admire, lots to believe will benefit. Ultimately I’ve tried multiple “systems” to improve my life. Lots to recommend, lots to learn and teach others. I believe the “system” we find in the Bible is the plumb-line of correct living. Nothing else compares.

I saw a quote attributed to Johnny Cash: If you are searching for truth all roads eventually lead to Jesus.

Well, true, because He is truth. He is love.

He defines Himself, and He defines love.

At the end of all sorrows there is truth and love.

At the end of all advice and attempts to make things right humanly speaking—-there is Jesus and truth and love.

We all benefit from staying away from alcohol, tobacco, drugs, over-eating, lust and laziness. That’s just the way it is. Sin is temporarily attractive, but it hurts in the long run.

All the self help will only give you a youthful appearance and fewer illnesses. It may add to your age, or perhaps not. We live the appointed days.

At the end of it all there is only hope and comfort in Jesus and His promises.

As it says in Ecclesiastes, everything is meaningless——

Except with Christ.

So I will end this post with an affirmation of hope in Christ. I may suffer loss in this life, and continue to do so, but I will end up with Jesus.

It is Jesus alone, the eternal monarch, lover of my soul, who matters; eyes on Him

Nothing Else.

MARANATHA

Post script: One thing that the past two years has taught me is an interesting fact about abuse. It gets easier to handle, toughens us up, and makes us stronger. This is not a justification of abuse. It is never justified, nor ignored. Abuse is wrong on every level. I have experienced it now for two years, and I admit I can take it now much more easily than I could at first. You get used to it. God knows all about it. I am so thankful for a life that has can survive it. If something happens to me please know that I am with Jesus. I can’t wait to see His face. God is in control of the whole situation, and I am trusting Him. Because this abuse is connected to someone with severe brain damage I am trying very hard to let God deal with it, though local authorities are aware. Pray for me. Thx.

The Bible declares that God is omniscient. He knows everything: details, thoughts, future, hopes, desires, sins.

This can be a daunting concept to some people. They just cannot fathom a Person who could know all.

For me it has been a beacon of hope, a character quality of a Creator who cares enough, knows all, and remembers.

He says of the redeemed that He remembers their sin no more, so that gives comfort.

However, in times of my life when I feel wronged I remember that God knows all, and everyone is accountable to Him.

We are all accountable to Him for every thought, word and action.

Everyone, everything.

Yes, God can remember all that. He’s God.

When my mind cannot comprehend the nature of God I just chalk it up to my finite being.

Of course there are things I cannot understand. I’m only human.

I can only believe the things asserted and implied in Scripture. Put two and two together and you do end up with four. Logically.

God knows everything.

He knows that a word I said 20 years ago meant something, was interpreted some other way, twisted, remembered, held against, held account. It may have influenced a life. Perhaps the influence was negative.

What a tremendous responsibility!

It’s one that I cannot bear.

So, I’m thankful that I am accountable to God alone. He understands my intentions. He knew my heart and my desires. I can bring those words to Him, because He alone is fair and righteous.

I will sadly bear the sorrow that I caused by words said.

I don’t even remember the words, but I ‘m sure they had impact.

Every word, every thought, every deed.

It’s better to be silent!

When you are wronged remember that God will hold the perpetrator accountable for every word, thought, and action. “Vengeance is Mine,” says the LORD.

You can take comfort in that and watch God work things out.

That is the joy of a believer. God cares, God knows.

You are accountable to God.

I went to a city council meeting last night to protest a conditionary use permit being issued to a builder of an arena across the road from Corgi Hollows.

My attempt to sway the opinion failed. The permit passed. There will be a massive arena built across from Corgi Hollows.

I had sixty years of tranquil views. That will change.

The rumor is that it is for a rodeo facility. The council saw the plans for a “private use” arena that is huge. It’s on 35 acres, so the council approved it.

The guy on the council smiled to the builder—after the vote—-and said, “You can get out your checkbook…”

And my heart died.

My father-in-law recommended a book to me several years ago, “Little Pink House.”

It was the story of a woman up against a big company. She won the dispute, but it took up her life and energy, all for her little pink house.

I don’t have that kind of energy. I’m just grieving my losses.

Again, grieving.

Yes, it’s just a view, it’s just wetland pollution, it’s just change. Two scummy holding ponds and a manure pit are planned in the architectural plans, all set to drain into the wetlands belonging to Corgi Hollows—-the places where the sandhill cranes nest, and countless migratory birds rest.

I grieve. I may be selfishly wanting my environment to remain the same, but that’s that. I grieve. I love Corgi Hollows.

To look out at a massive arena instead of grain fields is just hard for me.

*crying*

What is most sad is that the structure isn’t even in the code—-it had to be granted special permission. And it was.

So goes the neighborhood.

Grieve with me today, friends. I know we are supposed to live our lives quietly. (Micah) The book of Micah also reminds us that GOD DOES NOT CHANGE. (Micah 3:6)

So even if we suffer stuff here; changes, attacks, slander, abuse, dysfunctional family relationships—-GOD STILL PROMISES HE WON’T CHANGE.

Are you waiting for the RAPTURE OF THE CHURCH?

I am.

MARANATHA!

Come Lord Jesus! I cannot wait!

What a hard week for Corgi Hollows. I didn’t mean to write a “down” post, but this morning I was thinking rather objectively as I prepare for a gathering this weekend.

My mom lost two siblings in the past two/three weeks. Good-bye.

I think back to a June 13 anniversary—the diagnosis of leukemia in Ed—nine years ago. He went to the clinic this past week for a follow-up. He’s well, but the clinic isn’t the same place. It’s been nine years. He did see one NP that he loved deeply since that day, but no one else.

Good-bye.

This Sunday, Father’s Day, is the death anniversary of my husband. It’s been three years. The good-bye just continues.

When I think of all the loss around me the good-byes seem to multiply exponentially. Such is life getting old. Age is a blessing, but one must face the good-byes.

I’ve thought about the best way to face a good-bye.

Is it firmly shaking a hand, turning, walking away with a brief wave back?

Was the atmosphere fuzzy-warm?

Was there regret?

Even a small regret can color and shape a good-bye.

I have had three “shocking” moments in my life. The early morning on June 13, 2014, when an oncologist informed me that my son had leukemia. I was floored. I clung to my God in desperation.

I was working at my hotel October, 2019, the day that my daughter finished hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. My mom came in, stood at the counter, and told me that my brother and his wife had been killed by a drunk driver. The shock hit like a brick.

I was eating breakfast with Cherie in New Hampshire at an organic vegetable farm where my Margaret had been working. It was June 18, 2020. My cell phone rang. “Is this Corgi—? I regret to tell you that your husband passed away….”

I’m no longer a stranger to shock. I know exactly what it feels like.

Thankfully I have the Lord’s help in dealing with it. I can’t imagine facing shock on my own. As a believer I always have hope. Hope helps shock. It also alleviates regret and loss.

Still, there are regrets, loss, and shock. Those are all real.

Life will bring people into your circle. Experiences will also snatch them away. We can cling to someone only so much. Good-byes happen, often forever. It is such a precious gift to have minimal regrets when that loss happens.

But there is hope. There is hope in the One Who provides an answer to The Fall.

Increasingly I place my trust in that One who gives Hope.

It may not look like it as I flounder here on earth, but inside my spirit there is still a flame of hope.

MARANATHA!