Regret and Good-bye

What a hard week for Corgi Hollows. I didn’t mean to write a “down” post, but this morning I was thinking rather objectively as I prepare for a gathering this weekend.

My mom lost two siblings in the past two/three weeks. Good-bye.

I think back to a June 13 anniversary—the diagnosis of leukemia in Ed—nine years ago. He went to the clinic this past week for a follow-up. He’s well, but the clinic isn’t the same place. It’s been nine years. He did see one NP that he loved deeply since that day, but no one else.

Good-bye.

This Sunday, Father’s Day, is the death anniversary of my husband. It’s been three years. The good-bye just continues.

When I think of all the loss around me the good-byes seem to multiply exponentially. Such is life getting old. Age is a blessing, but one must face the good-byes.

I’ve thought about the best way to face a good-bye.

Is it firmly shaking a hand, turning, walking away with a brief wave back?

Was the atmosphere fuzzy-warm?

Was there regret?

Even a small regret can color and shape a good-bye.

I have had three “shocking” moments in my life. The early morning on June 13, 2014, when an oncologist informed me that my son had leukemia. I was floored. I clung to my God in desperation.

I was working at my hotel October, 2019, the day that my daughter finished hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. My mom came in, stood at the counter, and told me that my brother and his wife had been killed by a drunk driver. The shock hit like a brick.

I was eating breakfast with Cherie in New Hampshire at an organic vegetable farm where my Margaret had been working. It was June 18, 2020. My cell phone rang. “Is this Corgi—? I regret to tell you that your husband passed away….”

I’m no longer a stranger to shock. I know exactly what it feels like.

Thankfully I have the Lord’s help in dealing with it. I can’t imagine facing shock on my own. As a believer I always have hope. Hope helps shock. It also alleviates regret and loss.

Still, there are regrets, loss, and shock. Those are all real.

Life will bring people into your circle. Experiences will also snatch them away. We can cling to someone only so much. Good-byes happen, often forever. It is such a precious gift to have minimal regrets when that loss happens.

But there is hope. There is hope in the One Who provides an answer to The Fall.

Increasingly I place my trust in that One who gives Hope.

It may not look like it as I flounder here on earth, but inside my spirit there is still a flame of hope.

MARANATHA!