Who can truly predict the heart and its leanings?
As shock and adrenaline wear off I am faced with a bitter void in my chest.
It is okay to weep, shake, and sink into reverie.
I am not bereft, as I have a foundation of God’s Word. Jesus is my rock, my solid footing. I may fall to the darts of evil, but I have this foundation under me that’s immovable.
This existence wears heavy on me, I look to the millennial kingdom more and more each day.
But I must live the appointed days despite my heartache.
For the past few weeks I’ve been quiet. I have so many things to process in my heart and mind. My soul has reached a different stage of grief and loss. I am learning to let go of everything but my faith in Christ, cost what it may.
Do people really realize how fragile they are?
I can begin to understand loss without God, but I would never want to experience that. The mind seeks solid footing like water. It flows downward to find that stable footing. My mind has toyed with God’s existence.
He is, after all, beyond our senses.
I see the kingdom of evil flourishing all around me and I must trust that God is really in control.
He is.
God is the sovereign power of my knowledge. I must submit my will and mind to Him alone. His rules.
My ideas are nothing. Satan would like for me to believe that I can manufacture a truth within myself, but it is pointless. I must submit to the One who Created All.
—Whether I like it or not.
I’m so tired of the attacks, the conjecture, the rebellion. I’m exhausted.
So I know that in these last days the only thing that I can do is pray and trust, read my Bible and speak it.
The Word is powerful, a two-edged sword.
Let its power do the drawing, the wooing. The Word alone (one little word) can smite the devil.
As I hear reports of people “falling away” I know within myself that they never accepted the Truth. They held a piece of their own idolatry within their spirits, and never let it go.
One must accept the truth.
One meets that in loss with more poignant clarity. I know now deeper.
The cost is great, the sorrow is painful, the waiting is exhausting.
It is time to reject the old self, dear one, the one that died with Christ. It is time to be born again.
When we are gone from this earth, with the Lord, our dear ones who never submitted to the Creator will mourn us. They will begin to know this pain.
Or will they be temporarily relieved?
My grief seems to be never-ending, I see no end in sight for it today. It just feels like a darkness, therefore I call it infinity, a ceaseless cycle. Stages are for psychiatrists, but today it is infinity.
Bear the pain.
Preach the Word.
Embrace the rejection.
Hope in Christ.
It is all that we have when everything is stripped away.
Hope. In Christ.
Maranatha
Standing with you my friend.