State of Heart

It was four years ago today that my brother was killed by a drunk driver.

Four years.

I woke up with a heaviness in my heart today. Circadian rhythms?

These past four years have been dark for me. It is still a daily battle with grief and sadness, a tightness in my chest that signals heartache.

I go outside and breathe the sunlight.

The beauty of October in Minnesota often tugs at my heart, too.

I struggle.

So I am focusing on what is coming: Japan.

Thanks to a weak yen and ridiculously low airfare, Ed, Cherie, and I are heading to Japan.

Ed has been studying Japanese for the past few years. Cherie has language abilities that amaze me. I am studying Chinese—so we feel sort of prepared for East Asia.

I know that I should have no expectations and seek to quietly observe everything while there, only a week’s length of exploration.

Our focus is gardens, of course, but we’d like to just take in the culture.

I have a few contacts, so we hope to make connections.

Yes, it’s exciting, and that is exactly what I need right now to make it through difficult anniversaries.

Corgi Hollows History Day approaches. We are having a major book sale that day in concurrence. My home-schooling days are OVER.

I am grateful.

It was a good run.

My five kids are all adults, all pretty good humans.

Thanks be to God!

He gets all the glory, in all things.

My heart is lifted by sunlight and gratefulness.

And I look for His coming.

MARANATHA!